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Two Common Myths About Webcam Sex, Revenge Porn, And Long Distance Relationships

Lisa McKay Advice, Sex & Infidelity Leave a Comment

Unless they break up first, every couple must eventually confront questions about the role of sex in their relationship: Will they become sexually active? When? What will and won’t they do, sexually?

These issues can be tricky enough to navigate if you both live in the same city. If you’re in a long distance relationship, it all gets even more complicated.

Long distance relationships (especially those that begin over distance) often become emotionally intense quite quickly. These quick-off-the-mark LDR couples often end up feeling very connected emotionally but very disconnected physically. Intense emotional intimacy breeds a desire for a similar level of physical intimacy, and this emotional-physical imbalance can lead couples to engage in sexual activity quite quickly after meeting in person for the first time.

Or even before that.

Modern technology is good for more than just low-cost real-time talking. And when I say technology, I’m not just talking about phones, kissing apps, and webcams. Nowadays, you can literally reach out and touch someone across the miles.

Yes, think long distance vibrators.

OK, so since we’re getting all explicit, let’s get right down to it.

To do, or not to do?

What will and won’t you do when it comes to a virtual sex? How would you answer the following questions:

1.  Would you talk to your partner while taking a bath, and tell them what you were doing?

2.  Would you mail or email your partner suggestive photos of yourself? How suggestive? Would you enjoy receiving such images from them?

3.  Would you have phone sex with your partner? If so, what words or phrases would you be comfortable using?

4.  Would you be willing to strip and/or masturbate in front of a webcam?

Now, while you’re thinking about where your personal boundaries lie in these areas, we’re going to talk through two powerful myths about long distance sexual activity.

phone cord heartMyth 1: Phone or webcam sex isn’t a big deal. After all, it’s just talking.

Truth: You might think that phone sex isn’t that intimate an activity. After all, it’s just words, right? You’re not actually touching each other.

Well, yes and no. Yes, you’re not actually touching your partner’s body. However, words can touch something just as powerful, maybe even more powerful—his or her imagination and emotions.

Any sort of sexual activity—whether in person or across distance—builds intimacy. In addition, engaging in phone or web sex across the miles will make it much more tempting to have sex when you meet in person.

If you want to delay having sex with your partner for any reason, don’t dabble with phone and/or web sex. It will lead your minds (and eventually your bodies) in a direction you don’t yet want to go.

If you do want to experiment with phone and webcam sex, know what your boundaries are (both virtual and real-time, since you will presumably meet this person at some point if you haven’t already). Don’t let yourself be talked into doing or saying anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. Also, keep in mind that if your LDR is becoming 20% talking and 80% heavy breathing, that’s not a relationship. That is a free phone sex hotline.

webcam sexMyth 2: I can trust my partner completely, so it’s safe for me get naked in front of a webcam.

Truth: With the technology available today, your partner can record you with the click of a button. You won’t even necessarily know that you are being filmed. Even if you do know you’re being recorded, and neither of you intend for those images to end up anywhere but a password-protected file on your computer, good intentions are not always enough.

Laptops get stolen. Breakups happen, and formerly loving partners can turn vindictive. Videos can live forever and end up on YouTube or amateur porn sites without your knowledge or permission.

You might think this couldn’t happen to you. Think again. Holly Jacobs didn’t think it could happen to her, either. As Metro Toronto reports, Holly “was in a committed long-term, long distance relationship with a man she trusted. To keep the romance alive, she participated in a private sexual video chat with him. She didn’t know he’d recorded it, but he did. She didn’t know that after she broke up with him it would go viral on the Internet, but it did. Along with her full name, workplace and contact info.”

This sort of behavior by vindictive ex-partners is becoming such a problem that some countries and states are starting to try to make it illegal to post “revenge porn”. In the USA, thirteen states have so far enacted revenge porn legislation, but many of these bills are being challenged in the higher courts.

The bottom line for you? It will be a long time before you can depend on those sorts of laws to protect you from “unwanted exposure.”

In my opinion, nudity via a webcam is rarely worth the risk. If you really want to experiment with webcam sex, however, consider wearing a mask. You can make the mask all part of the fun and games. And, if footage of you naked does end up online for some reason, at least you won’t be easily identifiable.

OK, your turn…

I’d love to hear from you on this topic. You’d have to be brave to leave a personal comment on this post, I know, but if you’d like to comment privately you can always contact me by email.

Here are some things I’d love to know…

  1. How has being in a long distance relationship influenced the sexual dynamics in your relationship?
  2. How did you address the role of sex in your relationship—did you talk about it openly, or did the process just sort of undress unfold?
  3. Do you have any advice about sex for others in long distance relationships?
  4. If I write a follow-up piece on this topic, what should I discuss?

Truth phone sex hotline

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