Cheating 10 signs PN

Ten Subtle Signs Your Long Distance Lover Might Be Cheating On You

Lisa McKay Advice, Communication & Conflict 205 Comments

If you’re in a long distance relationship, chances are you’ve wondered at least once whether your partner might cheat on you. Well, I’ve got good news and bad news for you.

Let’s start with the good news: I wouldn’t take this as gospel, but several research studies suggest that cheating does not occur more often in long distance relationships. The researchers concluded that the risk of cheating in a relationship was much more strongly associated with the quality of the relationship and the personalities involved.

Now, ready for the bad news? No one wants to think that the person they love (or are growing to love) might be lying to them or cheating on them. However, lying and cheating can happen, and distance makes deceit easier to hide, for longer.

cheating in long distance relationships

Signs That Your Partner May Be Cheating…

If you spot some of these signs in your long distance relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your partner is misleading you, but be cautious.

They are signs that your partner might not be being completely honest with you. You should at least consider the possibility that all is not as your partner wants it to seem. Your partner might be cheating on you, considering ending the relationship, or may even already be married to someone else.

1.  There is a sudden and persistent change in his or her behavior or communication patterns.

2.  They are often unavailable to take your call on a moments notice and seem to be perpetually busy—they have many evening, weekend or holiday commitments.

3.  They seem perpetually rushed and harried whenever you contact them. They are only relaxed when they contact you, at a time that suits them.

4.  They rarely talk to you from home. They usually call you on the way to or from work, or during business hours.

5.  They always want to come visit you rather than having you visit them.

6.  They won’t acknowledge your relationship on Facebook or in other public ways.

7  You know they have a history of cheating in past relationships (Please Note: This does not mean that they will cheat on you, but bear in mind that past behavior is one of the best predictors of future behavior.)

8.  They frequently talk of someone in particular, and of time spent alone with that person. Or they talk about a whole new group of friends they’ve suddenly started hanging out with.

9.  They don’t seem eager to introduce you to these new friends or to other people in their lives.

10.  You spot inconsistencies in their stories. For example, they tell you about going somewhere for work, or out somewhere with friends, and then seem to have forgotten all about that outing when you bring it up later.

Six Things To Do If You Suspect Your Partner Might Be Cheating

Relationships are complicated, and long distance relationships are more complicated than most. If you see one or more of the signs listed above, don’t immediately freak out! Instead, think carefully about what you what you want to do next.

1. Talk to them 

If you’re ready to share your concerns with your partner, these resources are full of practical advice to help you tackle those difficult conversations. You can download them right now and start putting your game plan together. Your conversations are likely to go much better if you think carefully about what you want, and how you want to approach your partner, before you bring it up.

If you don’t feel ready to go there yet, talk with your partner about other meaningful topics. When you talk together about things that matter, you will get to know them better and your relationship will grow stronger and deeper. 401 Great Discussion Questions For Couples is full of easy ways to spark good conversations.

2. Notice inconsistencies

Stay alert for times when what your partner says doesn’t match up to how they say it or what they do. This will tell you important things. But …

3. Don’t jump to conclusions!

Don’t make the mistake of assuming that you always know exactly what is going on. Interpreting nonverbal and indirect communication is a guessing game. Sometimes you will guess wrong (particularly when you’re in a long distance relationship), and something you thought might indicate that your partner is lying to you simply means they’re having a bad week. This is why you need to also …

4. Pay attention to patterns over time

Don’t read too much into a single sigh, or reaction, or story. Pay attention to patterns you see emerging more than any single exchange. However, on the other hand you should also still …

5. Trust your instincts

If something doesn’t feel quite right, it may be because there’s a mismatch between what your partner is saying directly and what they’re saying indirectly (how they’re saying it and what they’re doing). If that gut feeling that something is wrong persists, trust it, and try to figure out where it’s coming from.

6. Ask your partner to clarify

Don’t make a habit of interrogating your partner about every minute of their daily schedule. if you find that you are constantly suspicious and tempted to second guess everything your partner is saying, your relationship has a problem regardless of whether they are cheating. However, if there’s something specific that’s bothering or confusing you, bring it up. Explain how you’re feeling and ask them to clarify. It may all be due to a simple misunderstanding.

Comments 205

  1. Your boyfriend is abusive. He claims to love you but how can you love someone that you don’t trust. Why is it that your boyfriend is allowed to have your passwords and invade your privacy but you can’t have his? I have seen so many stories like yours over the years and many ens in the murder of the woman. Don’t think that just because you are teenagers you relationship can’t be abusive, it can. He tells you that he loves you but where are the signs that he does? Stop trying to convince yourself, take a step back and ask yourself if this was happening to a sister or friend what would you think and what would you advise? If you can figure out what the correct choice for another woman in your situation would be then take your own advise for yourself. You deserve to be loved AND trusted.

  2. Hi, Im Dha 35yrs old, i met guy in a bar, from france and a Navy, Marine and base in Abu Dhabi, 25yrs.old
    He took my number that night.i thought it will not continue our communication, we chat everyday our routine, he is Abu Dhabi and im working Dubai. We meet again after two weeks for the second time and then we meet again for the following day which is we spend night together, passionate and caring.
    We continue seeing each other every weekend, im travelling going to Abu Dhabi, we didn’t waste our time. It sad to say first week of June he will come back in France, we dont know when we will see each other again but he promise that he will come back ‘coz he loves me so much, so we decide to continue our relationship which called LDR. Its very hard on us ‘coz its our first time both of us the LDR. I am trying to be patience, that i know the timings and phone is not allowed on his work. Almost one month we are doing chat skype etc. but now i didnt received any messages from him, i dont know if he already change his mind. How i will know if he still loves me, how i will know if he cheating on me, ‘coz he promise me that he will give the address where he is staying . So my decision is i will stop to communicate on him or not? Please advise. Thanks.

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      Author

      It’s up to you, but before I just stopped communicating I’d be really honest with him about how you’re feeling and what you want. You haven’t got a lot to loose. Tell him what you expect and hope from him. If it doesn’t line up with what he wants, he’ll walk away. If it does, he’ll respect your strength.

  3. Hi and thank you for reading this.. This is my first time in a long distance relationship and actually the relationship started 6 months ago with the knowingness that my GF would be traveling in and out of the country every month, from a week to sometimes 2 weeks.

    Around a month ago, almost over night, and right after we returned from a beautiful trip together, she pulled back on her affermations to me. Inconstant miss you, love you, and never really a reply back to my, can’t wait until you come home this weekend, or miss you crazy.. She would usually respond back with the same.. When she does get home, she spends time with her kids, which i’m totally cool with and understand completely, she finds time for her friends and kind of leaves me till last.. Her most recent trip, the night before leaving, I wanted to be intimate with her and she said she was tired.. That kind of set me off, as she was only here a week and we saw each other one other time.. It’s hard enough being apart, but the time we have I want to be quality.. We talked and I asked her very direct questions ,but with love and compassion, not with threats or judgement.. She said it’s hard being apart but she still wants to try and make it work. I asked her if she was emotionally or physically cheating and she said no. I believe her but a part of me questions it.. She has become very distant but reassured me that she would never cheat. I put allot of trust in people and haven’t always been a good judgement of listening to that VOICE !!!! When she returned to her so called second home away, she found time to take a few days off and be with her friends, even went as far as posting pictures of them on social media.. She also had our picture up on her whatsapp and then removed it.. These things would not really effect me if her sudden shift didn’t take place..

    I’m not controlling and I give her space and am rolling with this, but before I make a decision on wether to stay in this or break it off, I’m wondering your thoughts..

    I’ve read your list of things here and most of whats written falls into my experience with her.. I’m a firm berliever that what you put out comes back and I teach this in my programs, but that doesn’t mean that a person won’t still complete the task of cheating.. I want to believe that a duality relationship will include honesty and loyelty, and if one or the other is feeling the spark falling off that they would respect the relationship and leave before bringing someone else into the mix.. This is how I roll, clear boundaries and consistant checking in communication.. Feeling a little stuck, any suggestions ??

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      Author

      Hi Paulie, It sounds to me that the issue MAY be less whether she’s actually cheating and more whether she’s really all that committed to the relationship. It is an incredibly hard juggling act when you travel regularly for work, you have kids, you have family & friends, and you have a relationship. You always have to make tough choices about where to put your time and energy. And you’re never going to “get it right” all the time or please everyone. But it sounds as if you are coming last on her list of priorities and have been for a while. That might be because she’s just started to take you for granted–she feels safe and herself with you, enough to be tired on your one night together instead of feeling like she has to make a huge effort to please you. Or it may be because she’s not prioritizing you in her life the way you I’m sure you would hope for if you want to be in a. committed relationship. My concern in your case is much less whether there is “someone else” than whether “everyone else” comes first, and that’s always going to be the way with her. I think that may be the conversation you might want to have with her — about priorities in relationship, time spent together, time talking, hopes and possibilities for the future if things get more serious, etc. If she can’t have that conversation and/or follow through in making you more of a priority I suspect that is not the relationship for you.

  4. My name is Moha I found a beautiful woman but I have never seen her but I chat with her and when I try to tell her to send me a picture she refused she only send me a half photo when I told her to send me full picture she refuse and tell me dont ask my picture and I love her and I dont know if she love me am chatting her for four months what can I do

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  5. well by your bf saying that becaus he says he loves someon dosennt mean he is cheating on you it is a 50 50 chance he is cheating

  6. Hi I’m Phumzile n im18 dating wit 20 years guy n we have a child he’s moved to his mother n we are in along distance relationship I think he’s s cheating because I saw him posted on Facebook that he thinks he love someone. Is he really cheating on me??

    1. Hi my name is Bianca lately I call to my fiancé and he’s voice sound like under the water or in a corner and very limited the way he talk on the phone to me and I try to ask him where he’s now he says I’m in the room waiting for the dealer ship coming and he wait two hours and I ask him to see him on cam he’s sound like afraid or hiding to
      Me he says no can’t do video here I was wonder no matter what where he at he can do that let me seen him on video

      1. You are sincerely wasting your time with him,This is the real stuff keeping me single because,i cant take it in for a week

  7. Im 27 and my gf is 24, My instincts been telling me she’s cheating due to some financial challenges ive been facing and i have asked her if she’s cheating but she clears the air for me letting me know she will never do anything to jeopardize what we have. But recently she changed her Whatsapp DP and the environment looked weird cuz she’s not the going out type except for work which is her studio. I asked her about the pics but she said i have no right to ask her about her dp cuz she doesnt ask me such too. I told her i feel i should ask bcuz it raises suspicions but she got mad at me. So i asked her If she doesnt tell me who owns the car and whos behind the camera that means it’ll hurt me but if she tells me why she was at that place and who’s behind the camera then its not something i have to be bothered about, but she got angry and cut the call on me. My heart has been heavy.

  8. Hey I’m xx I’ve been with my bf for almost 6 years but we did a long distance relationship now (started from a month ago) and I feel like I lost my interest to him. I dont know why. And do you have any idea what’s going on?

    1. The real thing is,you want to be cared about every second that passes,your type is not for long distance.Don’t try to get substitutes because it you will divide your love the more,from the nearest to the furthest respectively and you loose them from the furthest to the nearest respectively,2.try to get something to keep you busy,too much free time is bad for a long distance relationship.That was my own thinking.

  9. Hi I’m faith I’m 22 i live in Georgia I just recently got back together​ with my ex and at first he messaged me all the time then the messages slowed down now he hardly talks to me he has alot of female friends and keep wondering if he is cheating on me again I try to be honest but he gets a attitude every time and I haven’t seen him since we got together again I think me having a child really bothers him

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      Author

      Oh, Faith. Sounds like you have to have some serious conversations about his communication patterns, interest level, intentions, and how he feels about other circumstances and people in your life.

  10. Hi(I can’t say my name for personal reasons) I’ve been in a relationship with my bf for about 2 months now, we live about 8 states away from each other (long distance) and I’ve been noticing a change in him, hes been distant from me for a week now and I can’t really tell why… We had a convo about cheating and he told me “I would never cheat on you or I’d never forgive myself cause I love you very much” which was only a few days ago, after that the rest of the day we were talking normally like we always did but the very next day he stopped texting me for a while… I’ve also got my closest friend text him and ask “Do you love her or not?” And he said “ofc I love her, plz don’t doubt it :/”. But he’s someone who’s very friendly to people and it gets me worried since I’ve been cheated on by 3 other guys…I just don’t know why to do, should I trust him or not and just watch what happens?

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      Author

      It’s been ages since you posted this, so you’ve resolved this by now. I have no idea whether you should trust him or not, but I do know you’re not going to get much information out of him by having a friend text him to ask him his feelings for you. Hope things are feeling clearer now.

  11. Hi, I’ve been in a very long distance relationship with a boy who is 18, i’m 16 The relationship started at the end of August. It was all well&good at the start but it seems like the trust issues are kicking in really badly for the both of us and I think the relationship may slowly be coming to an end. We love each other but it’s complicated. He won’t let me go to parties and he doesn’t like me going out but he thinks its alright for him to go to events, he says he’s a ‘boy’ and boys aren’t vulnerable like girls. For example earlier we got into an argument because i wanted to go to a friends birthday party however he doesn’t like her, after i told him he got very aggressive and started telling me ‘ he doesn’t care what i do anymore’ and how ‘ i can do what the f*ck i want’ after this messages didnt send thru to his phone. If i confront him later on he will tell me his wifi stopped working ( he tells me this 24/7 in arguments)He is very sexist when it comes to me wanting to have my own freedom. I find him very controlling, he has my passwords but that isn’t enough he wants to be advertised all over my social media. I changed my name on Instagram the other day and he said ‘ Why you changing your name, change it back you’re hiding me from other people ‘. He puts me on his social media but I don’t have his passwords because he feels like I would be invading his personal space.
    Don’t get me wrong he is a lovely boy he always tells me how much he loves me and how he can’t be without me. He bought me a promise ring he says it symbolizes that he is going to marry me.
    Maybe he says all of this because he thinks its something that I want to hear what do you think?

    1. Your bf is exactly behaving the same way i do.Sincerely,you thank God that some body loves you,he does those things to clear any possibility of ever losing you.He will even complain the more and you think that he is just arrogant but the truth is that he loves you.We are mis interpreted for acting like that but the fact is that,we have real love,it will seem tiresome but please just appreciate it.That one is your life husband.Am just of the kind and what it means when your bf behaves like that.Good luck.

  12. Hi my name is Candi, i have been in a relationship with my partner for about a year and a half now. We really never been away from each since we started dating each other. Well here recently he moved back to his home state. Before he left he was acting different with me. He stop holding me all night, stop complementing me on how I looked n smell; even the sex had got bad. Well he has never really hit me he did two days before he left like I was a man a man he hit me in the face(punched). Well since he has left he doesn’t talk to me hardly ever. I have tried to video chat with him n he hangs up n me n tell me that he lost signal, or something. His mom tells me on my birthday that my gift from her to me was that her son had moved on. So I confronted him about it. (Usually he gets pissed off when his mom or anybody says something about mine n his relationship). This time all he said was u can believe her if u want to. So I cussed him out, n told him that he wasn’t acting like the man that I feel in love with. He response was that I was acting childish n he ain’t going to try to deal people shit or me believing them anymore(or something like that). We didn’t talk for a few days, then all of a sudden he texted me out of the blue n tells me that he misses me a lot. Well once I gave in n started talking to him again, he just up n stopped again.

  13. Hey everyone.. i’ve a problem. I live in Belgium and I met an exchange student, so he’s leaving in July. We’re sooo in love but I think he has another girlfriend in his home country… I know we won’t last forever because it’s really far away. But this really hurts… and I’m also not sure… What should I do? I’m scared to ask him, because I think I’m scared of the answer.

  14. hi. my name is Janna. me and my boy friend has been together for 5 months. but i think my boyfriend is cheating on me. he has a history of cheating. i first started doubting him when one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a another girl in his viber profile picture. i dont use viber anymore, so i didnt know about it. when i asked him about it he said that it was a picture of his ex-girlfriend. he said she begged him to get back with her so he changed his profile picture to make her think that he was now back in a relationship with her. he said that she was really sick and he could not hurt her. he said that he was not talking to her anymore and asked for my forgiveness.
    after a few weeks my phone broke. until i get a new phone i decided to talk to him using facebook. one day, one of his friend asked me if i got a new phone. i said no. he asked me if i spoke to my boyfriend last night. i said no. he said that he heard him talking to a girl on his phone. i didnt ask my boyfriend because i know he will not say anything.
    then after a few days a boy massaged me. he said that my boyfriend called his girlfriend. she was one of my boyfriends ex girlfriend. he told me that my boyfriend asked her to get back together with him. but she regected him. he said he knew about our relationship because of our relationship status. even this time i didnt ask my boyfriend as he would not agree to any of this.
    another day he massaged me saying that one of his ex girlfriend was going to call me to ask me weather i was his girlfriend o r not. he said that she was madly in love with him and she would do anything to keep us apart. so he asked me to say no and to tell her we were just friends. then i remainded him that my phne was broken.he didnt say anything.
    he rarely talk to me. he keep saying that he is very busy. he has finished his studies and he isnt going to a job yet. so please help me. im not sure what i should do. should i break up with him??

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      Author

      Um, in a word, “yes”.

      Look, he may not actually be cheating on you with this ex-girlfriend or anyone else. But if he’s so tangled up in a relationship with his ex that he can’t tell her it’s over–even to the extent of asking YOU to lie to her for him–he has serious problems with boundaries and managing relationships in general.

      You don’t want or need that in your life now or in the future.

      All the best, Lisa

  15. Hi, my name is Persia, I’m currently dating an old friend, we have been dating for a couple of months , it was just sex at first then he said he loved me. But i had to go back to my home for a little bit, he doesn’t ever call or text me, but when I confront him, he tells me he wouldn’t do that to me, I want to believe , I want to trust him, but i don’t want to get hurt. I need someone who has no heart in play at this, to help me.

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      Hey Persia,

      Actions speak louder than words sometimes. If he’s not calling or connecting with you when you’re gone, he doesn’t actually sound that interested in having a deep relationship with you and he may just be using you for sex and fun companionship when you’re around. That’s my take on it.

      All the best, Lisa

  16. Am Terrence 21 yrs old i have being in a relationship with my gf for almost two years everything was perfect especially the first year…distance wasn’t a problem cz we loved each other very much buh then it happened when it was Valentine’s day last year we nevr met and when i came she didn’t pitch up saying something came up and i never was told…unfortunately that whole year we never met cz of valid reasons and i gave her another chance buh lately she hasn’t been the same she replies late sometimes after an hour sometimes immediately and she no longer calls me cute names regularly and seems to be busy not to find time to talk over the phone and i noticed recently today she posted a pic and this other guy comment using a love emoji saying”beauty at it’s best” and to my surprise she usually replies saying thank you buh she replied saying thanks with a love emoji….so pls help cz i am deeply committed to her and she knows that

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      Author

      Hi Terrence, It sounds like things have shifted in your communication in ways that make you unsure if she still feels the same way about you. I think you should consider being really open with her, telling her how you’ve noticed things have changed in your communication, and talking about the photo and exchange on social media. Ask her outright how she feels and whether she is committed to being in a relationship with you. She will either clarify that she IS committed, or let you know that she’s not really committed. And if she’s not committed you’re better off breaking it off and moving on.

  17. My name is sentiben jamir,i am 16 and my boyfriend is 24 …. I am from India,Nagaland,Mokokchung…. And he stays in Kohima. Its 8 months now since we started dating…well,i am a very suspicious girlfriend and gets jealous easily. Its like he doesn’t care and love me like the way he used to. He is very busy with his works and barely calls me. He can even stand the night not calling me…. He doesn’t ask me how i am or what i am doing these days. For him his friends are very much important to him than me. Recently his ex girlfriend created problems between us and also some few weeks ago i heard it from his befriend that his ex girlfriend used to call him(best friend) and tells his to tell my boyfriend all those what not’s… My boyfriend didn’t even bother to tell me. He was a flirt before. Of course when it comes to making plans about future he seems interested and he plans all those but i can see through his face that he doesn’t seem serious….its really bothering me…. I really need to know th truth…. Just in case we quarreled he get mad easily and turns off his phone…and the blame goes on me everytime. I seriously want to give up sometimes but i love him so much that i can’t leave him.

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      Author

      Hi Imsen… If you’re only 16 you have a long time before you can hope to make this relationship NOT long distance, and it doesn’t sound like you’re in a very healthy place right now. I know you care for him, and I know it really hurts, but try to focus on how you would LIKE your boyfriend to be treating you. If he’s not communicating well or answering his phone or answering questions when you ask or telling you important information, he just doesn’t care enough for you and you’ll be better off in the long run without him.

  18. Hii Lisa.
    Am Anu, n I’m 23yrs.i wanted to share my story with you just to get some help for my relation.
    I am in a relationship from last 1 yr and 2 months right now, N from around 7-8 months in a long distance relationship. I just cant get if there is problem in me or there is some problem has developed in our relation. In starting of ldr we talked most of the time to each other on calls, txts n even video chats but as 3 months passed and he was a permanent employee in company our talks reduced to an hour a day n then sometimes in evening n now we don’t talk at all. Even when I try to talk to him he always replies he is busy…will talk later but later never comes. Last we saw each other was in May 2016 because our colge was getting over n final exams were almost over. after that we hvnt met even once. He came twice in 1 in Oct n 2 in Nov but we didn’t even met that time…he just messaged me that If I could not meet u don’t feel bad about it. And he was with his family n aftr that at my place with his frnds. We had an argue related to it that he only have time for his frnds always once when we were together in colg and it was this time we had fight over this. Apart from that if I want to talk he says I’m busy…I have told u everything.. u should understand that . When I decide to not to call or msg him n start to build habit of being alone then hesays how can you think of doing this…only u luv me n not me…
    I know we don’t have any future together ahead n same he knows but still we are together because we love each other…he says that u know everything and then u behave lyk unknown being childish…and fighting over this…and its around 2 months or more we have even talked properly…its lyk only me wanting to make it work n as if I’m dragging him in it when he doesn’t want to be there…just because I don’t work or have joined a job till now and he is working he says I’m sitting at home and think all this…and say all this to him…but when he went there I was always there to understand if he feels lonely or cry over phone…but when I need him emotionally it feels that I’m dragging him in all this…N I’m still waiting that he atleast want to know what all have happened these months …what I’m going through…I know things but still how a person cant get 5 min to talk even…then he says u think I don’t talk to only u…I have not called at my home…family calls I couldn’t pick calls…and other things…
    what should I do…

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      Author

      Anu, you yourself said in this story that you know you don’t have a future together. So I know this is going to sound harsh but: STOP WASTING YOUR TIME. End it. If there is not going to be a future together, or hope of that, what is the point? Move on, and let him do the same.

  19. Am Ruth, am 27yrs, I hv been in a relationship for many yrs now, dis guy happened to be my childhood friend, we grew up together, to d extent d family members knws me too well, our relationship has grown to loving ourselves though he never made love to me for d first time nd he promised to marry me. As time goes on, he travelled frm Nigeria to senegal, he stayed over der for 5yrs, we communicate normal. He never shows any sign of commitment, each time I asked him about us, he said I shd hv patience dat everytin will be fine, sometimes I will be online chating him but he wud nt respond, later on he wud say he s sorry. Now I brought up d issue dat someone wants to marry me, he sent me a cry emoji, saying I shd nt do dat to him dat I shd hv patient wit him. Now he has left senegal to germany, each time I chat him, it will tek him hours before he respond, I hv complained to him concerning our communication, still he not improving, I told him if dis relationship is not working out let him call it off, he wunt answer me. I dnt knw wat to do nd age is no longer on my side. He never call me, he never chat me unless I do. Wen I complained, he told me dat he doesn’t like chating too long but he will still be online till late hours in d midnight. Nd he never sends me money nor gifts. Please advice me

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      Author

      I know it’s hard, but my advice is to move on. You have a LONG history with this guy and he has had PLENTY of chances to improve his communication and connect with you in ways that you need to connect to build a real and solid relationship. I know it’s hard, but I would move on. Date or marry this other person if you’re interested in them. If not them, look for someone else to date. A real relationship that can lead to a future together is almost always preferable to one that’s mostly online with someone who rarely contacts you.

  20. Any advice?
    My girlfriend recently moved in with her grandmother, (About 3 months ago). We’ve been together nine months today and she means the world to me. She didn’t want to move in with her grandparents, but she had to, due to a custody battle, and a few family issues I won’t go too deep into. However, lately, I’ve just had feelings that she could be talking to someone else or seeking someone else. She doesn’t have a past of cheating, that I know of, and I am the first boyfriend she has ever had. I’m in high school, and I work a part time job. Sometimes, I fear that at work she could be out with someone else, or talking to someone else. There are periods where she won’t text me back, but that will only be for 30 minutes or so. I may be overreacting, but, she could be doing whatever behind my back and I wouldn’t know because, I don’t know anyone in the new school she goes to other than my cousin.

    My cousin recently contacted my sister saying that she has a class with my girlfriend. I guess she knew we dated through social media. Anyways, when she told me that, I wanted to tell my girlfriend that she is in a class with my cousin, it was kind of exciting to me! What I told my girlfriend was
    “I know someone in your class, very well, and I don’t know if you know them. They said you talk to this guy every day in class.” (Just fooling around with her, because my cousin, DIDN’T say that.)
    After saying that, she asked who then asked if it was, this particular person. I was in disbelief, so in a manner of wanting answers, I said yes. She denied that she talked to him, and said that he was just bothering her.

    What’s wrong with this story is that, every time someone tries talking to her, sending her a message, or a friend request on social media, she almost instantly tells me. She didn’t about this guy and I found out myself. I asked her why she didn’t tell me and she said that it was because she knew I would get upset. It’s just crazy how she could tell me about anyone else, but not this guy.

    She knows that I’ve been stressed, depressed, and wound out about her being gone. Was she really keeping it from me, to keep my stress level down, or should I be worried and look more into it? I can’t lose this girl. She is my everything.

    Thanks.

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      Author

      Hi Freddy. I can’t guess what’s going on for her, to be honest. It’s very likely that she’s just withdrawing a bit trying to process all the big disruptive changes in her life. The best thing you can do for her right now is to try to be there for her in the ways that will really support her and not put extra pressure on her. Ask her questions about how her life is going, what she’s thinking and feeling about being with her grandparents–what’s hard, what’s good, etc. How she’s finding school, etc. Ask lots of questions and really practice listening well. As things settle down for her you may feel more connected again over time. All the best.

  21. Hi, I won’t give out my name but you can call me whatever you like.
    I’m a nineteen year old female and my long distance girlfriend of one year is 28. We are both known to be asexual but sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who isn’t sexually active…
    For one thing, she often claims to be antisocial and and hates being hit on. She tells me pretty much every single time someone flirts with her and sometimes it really doesn’t seem like she’s truly complaining.
    She’s also very attractive and unlike my scrawny, Asian self, has a good figure.
    After finally letting her pester me into getting a facebook account(I don’t trust that site), I notice that I’m not the only one to see any selfies she mails me and I’m probably not the first.
    While this may not seem like cheating, I know I would just post pictures with my breasts set up like eggs on a plate or post pictures of myself laying down or making a duck face…
    Now, I know this kind of seems silly and all but what really worries me, is how she acts when I talk to other people.
    She hates when I make friends and at one point, continuously accused me of lying to her and cheating on her. This hasn’t happened for a while but I still feel like she suspects me. I feel like she might be projecting her thoughts and actions onto me. It’d be so easy for her to cheat and she’s attractive enough to have anyone she wants.

    1. Post
      Author

      Goodness. She sounds like a piece of work, to be honest. I think your instincts are telling you to be very careful, and that at the very least she is a bit of a player. It sounds as if she needs a lot of attention and affirmation, but conversely wants to control you so that you’re only focused on her. I hope it becomes clearer for you whether this person truly makes you a healthier, happier version of yourself. If not, walk away.

  22. I have a girlfriend have been going out with for about a year but she wouldn’t allow me to have sex with her firstly at the first six month she gave me the excuse that she doesn’t trust me and it’s her priority on another scenario she said she was on her menstruation, she always feel discomfort when it’s come to topic of sex without contributing to the topic

    1. Post
      Author

      That’s hardly a sign that she’s cheating with you. But it is clear she’s not ready to have sex with you. She’s making up excuses because she’s too shy or worried to maybe tell you the real reason–that she just doesn’t want to have sex yet. You can help her talk about this by telling her you understand that she doesn’t feel ready, and that you don’t want to pressure her, but you do want to talk about her thoughts and fear about this. Then LISTEN. Don’t argue with her when she tells you the way she’s feeling. Just listen and really try to understand.

  23. I’m 23 he’s 24. He’s from London and I’m from California ( 8 hours difference ) We met online of course, never met. Been together for 6 months. We’ve FaceTime, text and call.

    For the first few months of getting to know each other our routine would be sleeping on the phone and constantly texting everyday. Everything was going great, we got to know each other a lot, we had secrets we told each other, we even planned on meeting soon.

    Maybe during our 5 month was when things went downhill. Our work schedule has been really crazy. Texting gone down to maybe 5 text a day, calls would last for 20mins, we’ve stop talking for a whole day before.

    The only argument we’ve ever had was because of communication. The ONLY thing I want more is his time and communication, he’s slowly starting to lack that. And I’m not sure whether he is talking to someone or not. I talked to him about this before, but he hates talking about things like this. I asked him if he has someone else and if he does I want his honesty and we can call it quits. But he keeps telling me he’s not. But my mind, this awful gut renching feelings makes me think so negative and I don’t know what to do anymore.

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      Author
  24. Me and my boyfriend are in a relationship since 12 years…we have grown up together and have faced so many ups and downs in our relationship…last year we were on a break and we started dating different people…now both of us have got back after being single for a long time…recently it was my birthday and we got back and since then everything was fine…until now…he is having some health issues and because of long distance I can’t be there but the girl he was dating recently is being there for him and since then his behaviour has changed…he has plans to come down and meet me next month but that too seems very far and it’s more like he might cancel his tickets to come back to me

  25. Listed in article arguments very convincing. But it is not necessary to resolve quickly. My girlfriend’s husband often traveling and she began to suspect infidelity. She’s install a program for tracking his phone to get evidence. Fortunately the suspicions were not confirmed. And their family lives happily now.

  26. Hi, my name is Steph I’m 17 and my boyfriend is also 17, we’ve been going out for six months. He lives around 4 hours away from me as he is doing a college course.
    I got a message from a girl on his course a week ago, explaining how she had sex with my boyfriend, and how she was sorry and thought i should know. I spoke to my bf about this and he denied it saying he doesn’t speak with the girl and doesn’t know why she would say this. I don’t know who to believe as i don’t understand why she would lie about this but then i also trust him, as he knows what its like to be cheated on and wouldn’t do the same to anyone else he says. In addition to this the night she says it happened, he had conveniently had no wifi connection explaining why he wasn’t messaging me. I don’t know who to believe or what to do and was wondering if you could give me some advice.

    Many thanks, Steph

    1. Post
      Author

      Oh, gosh, Steph. I’m so sorry. I hope you have a clearer understanding of what’s going on by now (I haven’t been answering comments these last couple of weeks so I know you’re two weeks down the track now). I honestly have no idea what might be going on. It’s possible they DID get together. It’s also possible that she is trying to hurt him or to break you guys up for some other reason. I hope you have a better sense of what actually happened now. And I really hope your heart is feeling OK. Lisa

  27. Hi I’m Sierra and me and my boyfriend are long distance, he lives in Maine while I live in California. Me and him have been dating for almost 3 months but sometimes he sometimes seems uninterested in talking to me. He’ll stop talking to me for about a week or two and come back saying his WiFi went out, (because I know it storms a lot there in Maine) or that he was on a trip or something. Which he used to tell me he was leaving for a trip before hand but now I never know what’s going on. I don’t ask him what he’s doing all the time because I don’t wanna come off as clingy or needy but sometimes I wonder if he’s with someone else. We used to talk every day for a couple hours or more, but now that he’s starting to work he seems more distant. Now I’m lucky if I get a chance to talk to him any day.

    Also, I hate getting caught up in social media stuff but it’s the world we live in today. He follows a lot of girls on twitter, and he seems to talk to them outside of social media a bit too. I have guy friends that I hang out with a lot so I know I’m overthinking this and it’s impossible to know if he’s cheating just by looking at clues, but I was wondering what your response to this would be.

    1. Post
      Author

      Hi Sierra, Who knows if he’s cheating, but it sure doesn’t sound like you’re always his top priority. It also doesn’t sound like he’s ready to be totally focused on building a relationship with you.

  28. Hello, my name is Tabitha and I’m 18, I live in NC while my boyfriend lives in Georgia, we met over online homeschooling and have known each other foralmost two years and we’ve been together for about 5 months now {made it official in May but confessed to each other in December}

    Everything was going really well until just last month. He started his senior year in August and he’s changed a lot. We used to talk all day everyday, like 300+ messages back and forth. Now, this has all changed very suddenly. He sends maybe 5 a day. We used to be really playful and silly but now he never has time, he’s always away, and he often gets on Facebook for a long time and doesn’t bother to tall to me. He stopped saying good morning and good night. And even the I love you’s over the phone seem hurried and forced. Then sometimes he’ll say goodnight at 10 and be back online at 12 and never say anything to me…. I try to make plans for us to visit again but he always says he’s too busy…. I’m worried, do you think he’s cheating? Or has he just lost interest in me?

    1. Post
      Author

      It’s impossible to know if he’s cheating, but it does sound like his feelings (or at least his priorities) are changing. Have you tried asking him directly how he’s feeling about the relationship, and telling him you’ve noticed differences in the way you two are connecting?

  29. Hello..My name is Anna..I am from Poland. I havea bf from Turkey for about 2 month.I dont know why i trusted him before.But in real life we seen each others just 1 week..And it was very quick desicion about relations. Usially i am not like that..So when started long distance. In sometime he proposed me marry n him..A few times..But i told him it a bit early and i dont know him well.I didnt trust him totally, But he always was so sure about,,And 2 weeks ago,,our relations getting down..Cause i told him that i have some soubts about our relations cause i don t feel enoughf attention from him,He always busy at work..And mostly the samecphrazes,,I miss you,,I love you,,I am busy and tired,,We never talk about things in the world and about in general..Mostly just about feelings and work,,And he planned future with me,,But cause if my doubts always and question to him if you so serious about me why you always so busy…Should i trrust him or not..Thanks

    1. And…I often…stress about long distance..I feel often double about him..I am not ready for marriage. Especially i don t know his family etc..And i told him then visit me and my family first but he answers me no you should visit me first cause i didn t see my family for long time..But now i am not sure if i really interested in this relations cause i often bored..always the same topics..And we never skype..just few times..i feel he is not active about me..Why he is talking then about marriage and future with me if he behaves like that or he is soo double and fake….

    2. Post
      Author

      Um, it sounds to me like you’re having serious doubts about the relationship. If you’re bored in the relationship and don’t think you want to be with him, it doesn’t really matter whether you trust him or not. You should end it.

  30. Hi Danz Castellon. I read your post just this moment. I got curious about your scenario. Im a Filipina also. If she is not answering your call it doesnt mean that she is not interested with you at all. May be she is just to busy at work and at home. Most of Filipinas are doing multi tasking to be a good provider to her family if she is a bread winner to her family because living here in Philippines is very hard. Minimum salary here is not enough to sustain your daily needs thats why people do multitasking having other part time jobs to earn additional income for their needs. Sad to say if your gf on fb is not accepting you in a relationship with her, it means she is hiding or avoiding something. She might be in a relationship with other guy or she is not really serious about you and not proud to let other people know that shebis in relationship with you. Thats the worst case scenario. Even not a Filipina, if a woman is really serious about your relationship with you, she should not afraid to show or make other people see or know that she is in relationship with you, thats it. Honesty and being Open is important for me. Hope it helps. Good luck and God bless.

  31. Hi STEFFEN. I had read your post. I would like to share my opinion to it. As a woman saying, if your gf doesnt want her friends or family knows about you as her bf, there is always a reason behind it. Most of the reasons are, she is not yet ready to your relationship, she is hidding something from you or she is not really serious about you. A lady or a woman is serious about to a guy or a man if she is not afraid to tell and let other people see or know that she is in a relationship or committed with a guy/man. She will be proud and happy about it whatever othet people would say about it. Sometimes we dont need to dig a hole and know someones past if you really love that person but most of the time when a person will be honest with you about her past she is really serious about you and wants to know if you will still loves her no matter what and she is willing to change for the best if she did something bad in her past but being with you would change everything for good. You are still young Steffen. You will find much better lady out there who will male you feel special and comfortable with. You can sense it anyway. Good luck and God bless.

  32. Hi Juan Montalvo. Hope you can still read my comments to your post last March 2016. It is sad to know that your fiance suddenly changes her way towards your relationship when after you met. Im really sorry to say also that I believe that your fiance is not into you at all. She just used you for moneys sake. If she is really serious about you she will not stop or make many excuses on every possible way to communicate with you. Im a Filipina also but I so serious about my bf who is in New York and I see to it that I make him feel special in my very best way. I send him surprise airmail letters, even now adays we use emails and chat or video calls to make it easier for people to communicate but I still believe efforts makes it much special. I send him gifts also even simple one since I am not rich and I dont have a stable job but I exert effort to save money for it. At first two quarters of our relationship he is also thoughtful he send moneg to me for me to see a doctor when i was sick and a birthday gift and a mothers day gift also for my mom last yr then it stopped when latet part of the yr. Typically a Filipina is emotional..sweet, caring and thoughtful..family oriented person..i guess youve been doing your best to make her feel special buy whats happend when you finally met in person? The thing that she is doing having a way to contact you when she just want to ask money from you is not true love. She is just a user and I feel bad because she is destroying other Filipina image. May be she is not a God fearing lady and not afraid to hurt others peoples feeling especially you as her future spouse..let go Juan..its not worth it..a relationship that was just bind because of money and riches is not true love..hope you can find a good woman soon..you dont deserve to be treated like that if you are exerting effort to show your true love to a woman..Pray and ask God guidance to find the right woman for you. God bless.

  33. …sometimes i can feel that may be he has another lady that he is talking or meeting to in the time that he is planning to meet me and then just pusponed it…he is not sending me photos as i always ask him lately…even photos of him with his colleagues or kids..i also ask him if he already told about us to his kids or other family members, he said that it doesnt matter fot this moment since its not important for them to know and they dont care anyway or believe to us anyway since they didnt see us together or even meet me in person yet..he told me he put a picture of me on his office and sometimes when i call him and he is at work i can hear some of his wotkmates that he introduced to me by name says hi to me and says how are you and he is telling me that they are excited about us and asking him whats our plan..yeah im happy to know about it but i cant see anything in action from him when he really wants to go and meet me here in Philippines..i understand that he is in crisis..i just want to know if he is really serious about me or he has another woman planning the same as he is doing with me..i honestly told him that i dont feel important or special at all to him..but he keeps on saying that its normal to have ups and downs..is he talking or chatting or meeting other woman rather than me?

  34. Hi, I’m Ann. Im 30 yrs old when i started to have a long distance relationship with a 49 yrs. Old divorced man with 3 kids ages 18, 20, 22 when I met him in a dating site way back Dec.2014. He is living at New York and I am in Philippines. At first we chatted then sent emails and eventually go on skype. He doesn’t have any account in other social website like facebook so I can view more of his profile and see who are his close friends and family as well. As time pass by we decided to use Viber as way of communication daily. I can use the video but he says that he doesnt have any option of a video in his Viber..kinda weird..but i still keep on believing him..may its depends on the signal..we talked about serious topics like if he wants to settle down soon and also the most basic ones like what are those we likes and dislikes, some family stories and experiences and personalities. He has was been in a traumatic past years before we found in the daing wesite, his mom/grandmother and twin sisters dies in a car accident all at the same time..after that his ex wife leave him but i dont know exactly whats the reason about it may be because their family face a financial crisis after the death of his family member and he ad his father are only left. Then after thay his father married a self centered materislistic widow woman. I fully understand his status and i keep on understanding him and do my best to make him feel that I am willing to love him and be here for him even I know it will be tough for both of us to face everything away from each other and even we didnt yet met in person I already trusted him a lot. On Jan.2015 i became sick and he actually send me money for me to be able to go see a doctor even i dont ask him to do so because its awkward since we just met on dating website..he also send money as a birthday gift to me on March 2015. He planned to go here to meet me on April 2015 but it didnt happen because his boss didnt approved his leave..then planned it by July 2015 because but still it didnt happend his savings is not enough to buy a plane ticket..then he said to me he will already be finished the last child support for his youngest kid by Sept 2015 and then he is sure that he can save more for his plan for us. He surprise me on Aug.2015 that he finally get a plane ticket for last week of Sept. 2015 to go here but when Sept. came, He suddenly needs not to go and meet since he said he received some kind of a letter that he already had a big debt not paying their house property tax and he needs to refund the money that he paid for the ticket so he can pay the tax even not in full but at least the house will be saved and not be taken away from them..and he also found out that he has a disease that came from ticks that he might got from outdoor activities and doctor advised him not to travel for the meantime and he needs to go to the hospital daily to have an injectable antibiotics that he needs so he can be cured..but After two weeks of lettingme know about that he cant go here and meet me, he inform me that he needs a vacation and his uncle invited him to go out of city by last week of Sept. and have a week vacation near the shore..this made me confused again..but i told him ok may be he needs space and time to relax unwind after the stressful and anxiety is going on to his life..so we dont have communication in a week because he said there is no signal on the place that he will be going..after that when he finally came home he message me and said he miss me and he loves me so much and he cant live w/o me..he wants to be with me for the rest of his life..he is sure about his feelings..we actually lots of common likes and we feel like we are soulmates..then months pass again, we didnt go on skype as often before, but we always communicate thru viber..i always send him pictures daily and i see to it that i have surprises to him like sending him a airmail letter and gifts. on february i open up to him this question last Feb.2016 if he is still has a plan to go here and meet me? He told me he will come here on last quarter of this year. Then i ask him again last June the same question, he said sorry he cant afford for now since he just discovered that one of his son is using a heroin and ne needs to pay a health worker and rehab his son and his youngest child request him to continue support her to her college..so I told him ok I still understand his status as a father..even it hurts deep inside of me..but because i love him and i need to embrace everything about him out of love..so still, he will not go here because of those reasons..i told him how long should we both need to wait for us to meet and be together? He told me to just hold on and everything will be soon ok..just trust God..and he didnt want to happen those things to his life..so i told him: Ok, pls focus on your kids first and i dont want to be selfish for you. I dont want your kids think that im separating you from them.i want them to always think that you are agood father to them and i wish they will admire you too…
    But im confused, is he really serious about me?

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      Author

      Hi Anne, As always, it’s hard for me to know for sure what is going on. But it does seem to me that you’ve been talking online for a very long time now, and instead of feeling like you’re growing closer and more comfortable with each other and talking more, he’s becoming more distant. Also, I have to say that if he’s not financially able to come and see you once, he’s very unlikely to be able to come again, or have you visit him, and so the relationship may not have a future. The other possibility, of course, is that he IS able to come, but he’s choosing not to at this point because he’s nervous, or for some other reason. Either way, to me, it doesn’t seem as if there is much of a future for you both in the same place.

  35. when i was 14 i found a girl on facebook she was 15 one year elder to me we talk a lot and she told me she loves me. i also told the way i felt for her long story short she have lied about her past to me and lied to me gave me fake hopes believes i loved her from my heart and soul i can’t even mention it we skype but she always refuse i talk to her mom also but we rarely skype so when i am 16 she is 17 i always try to help her in every way no friend of her knows me i am blocked on her facebook she told me she deactivated and ect.. i always believes her she said she is going to marry me and i also the same but when i tell her your ex is following me and i said i am going to talk she told me she cheated on i was used to pass time she said i am useless and ugly dumb and ect….. i couldn’t cheat on her yet i love her i know its a fake dream wont come true what i said was i forgive you and don’t do something like this again to another person also i am like use for it all my girlfriend in the pass didn’t love me also i got cheated again and again

  36. I read this and I really like it.. I have been cheated on before and it doesn’t feel good. I am with someone, we talk daily. We discuss all sorts of topics, I truly care.. Something though is holding me back. I don’t know what it is. When we discuss certain topics, things might get added multiple times before getting the full answer. I asked this person to block an ex that wasn’t leaving the person I am with alone, I had to ask to make sure he did it, this was a week later (he said he forgot). Just certain things are scaring me. I have gotten hurt before..It didn’t feel good. We talk about our future and I get excited about it. I truly do. I don’t know if it is me being scared or if it is something I should listen to my intuition on. I’m utterly confused.

    1. Post
      Author

      Gosh, it’s sometimes tricky to figure out what intuition is and what is hurt related to past history, and what’s insecurity. Those two examples do sound like your intuition is ringing valid warning bells. At best it sounds like they’re a bit thoughtless and not good with follow through. At worst… well, they’re just not taking you or the relationship seriousnly. Hard to know which it is. Hope you can figure that out soon.

  37. Hii my partner is 2 years older than me she is 21 years old and I m 19 years old and we are in long distance relationship , our relationship is 5 months older. 3 months ago family members of us came to know about our relationship and the family members of us didn’t supported our relationship but she didn’t leave me and she continued our relationship and still we talk to each other on phone in the night. She has promised me that she will never leave me alone and she would marry to me. But the problem is that I m unaware about her past I mean recently I came to know that she had a boyfriend by other person , she never told me about it and told me that that I was her 1st bf, I was upset with her but I still continued our relationship but still it is a concern that she might cheat me. She says that she can’t live without me and would marry to me. Her family members have taken her mobile sim but still she has a extra sim through which she is talking to me. Earlier we both talk through what’s app in day time and talked through phone at night but now after her parents had taken her sim she says that she has an extra sim she is unable to talk on what’s app and she talks to me at night through that sim and she has promised me that she would never break my trust and would marry to me. But still there is a concern that she might cheat me after I came to know about her ex bf by someone !!! Plz help that what should I do !!

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      Author

      It sounds like you have some serious concerns about whether she’s telling you the truth, and you should take that seriously. Also, I have to say, it’s unusual (and unwise) to offer to marry someone you’ve never met. So I would take a step back and try to slow things down a little. You should really try to get to know each other without be talking about marriage at this stage. And you could try asking her about the past boyfriend and why she felt the need to lie to you.

  38. This guy was my everything we talked for hours on the phone. He even was saving up to come see me, but its all ruined:(

  39. I met my boyfriend on Kik Messenger. We were talking for a year and a half. And I legitimately loved him so dearly, about three weeks ago. I noticed his profile pictures on Kik kept changing. The first time it was this girl who was using a Snapchat filter. I immediately said something like “who’s that?” And he just blatantly ignored me. And was like “Cmon you can’t be serious?” He initially said it was from Tumblr. Whatever, I forgot about it. And thought maybe it was just a misunderstanding. Like two days after he changed it to a zoomed in picture that looked like someones ass in underwear, it wasn’t me, at all. Now before all of this, I was asking him to communicate with me better. I knew he had a job, and he was non- stop working, but that is not an excuse, to not have time for me at all. We were arguing for about three days, three days turned to a week. I have been non-stop crying myself to sleep. And he texted me a few days after and we were still arguing, he was telling me “I’m crazy” . And that I make myself believe anything. The next day, there was a cropped photo, with an heart emoji and the words that said “ago”. That’s all I could see. But clearly someone was messaging him or calling him in a specific time frame. I soon saw that he changed it to some girl posing with her shirt lifted up in the mirror, this was clearly not from a ‘website’, it was clearly someone taking it from their phone. An Andriod phone. I have an Iphone and I certainly didn’t send him a picture like that. This was all over the course of our argument. With me being angry and jealous. I start asking “are yoy cheating on me?” and he tells me “lol” “I already told u” I can’t have a serious conversation with him! He’s 18 years old and I am 15. He lives in Corpus Christi, TX and I live in Pennsylvania. He tells me that I degraded him all the time and that I never cared. But I did! I was always there for him, no matter what. He told me that “he could care less about me” and that “I’ve changed” and that “I’m crazy”. This guy told me I helped him through tough times because of what I’ve been through. We have told each other EVERYTHING. Now I am so angry because I want an answer, I want to know what I did wrong? Throughout our argument, I did say spiteful and mean things. But that was out of pure anger. And with me, STILL being more mature, I went back and apologized. He won’t even acknowledge me. He said “he’s not talking to me because I am asking dumb questions”. But I can’t be dumb! I saw what I saw. He tells me I’m crazy. Lately, I have been blowing up his phone non-stop. I have also found the girl that was on his profile because I was searching through his followers. I’m not sure , If I’m crazy. But I losing sleep over this. I just want to know, why? I keep asking but I’m pretty sure I am blocked on everything. I can’t stop blowing up his phone though, I am so angry. And it seems like he doesn’t even care. I have been losing sleep over this. What if he doesn’t ever come back? And why is he ignoring me? I mean yes, I have been going overboard, but I can’t stop. When I’m alone I feel the urge to text him, and he doesn’t read one message! One message I send turns to 20. I’m just so upset. Can someone tell me, I’m not crazy?

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      Author

      You’re not crazy for feeling angry, but you ARE responsible for how you deal with and act on that anger. Your relationship with this boy is over. Whether or not he was or is cheating is no longer something you will probably ever be able to figure out with confidence. It sounds to me like his feelings changed, you were understandably confused and asked lots of questions, and he used your questions and texts as an excuse to call you crazy and push you away. The only thing you can control now is your behavior. This constant texting will get you nowhere. It won’t bring him back (and would you WANT him to come back if you’d just harassed him into it?). And it’s not making you feel better. I advise you to cut all contact with him. Grieve what you had (which sounds special). Take some time to just be by yourself (and 15). And then start thinking about dating again.

  40. My boyfriendand I were best friends for 5 years before we decided to take our relationship to the next level. We’ve been together for three years now. He got an opportunityto work abroad and he decided it was the right thing for him. Lately, he spends all of his weekends out. Says he’s out with the group. There is this new girl in town that he either has to drop home or that he invites out with one of his guy friends and that guy friend’s girlfriend to hang out. I feel like an accessory in our relationship. Like I’m on the outside. He is very unavailable when I need him. We’ve spoken about it many times. He makes great changes for 1 week and then goes back to the same. I don’t know what I should think of theses new patterns. Please tell me what you think.

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      Author

      Oh, May. That sounds really hard, and it also sounds like it’s not heading in a good direction. Is there a time-limit on his working abroad? Will you situation change anytime soon?

  41. I’m 19. And also the guy I’ve been talking to is 19. We have been together for like a year now, but these last three months it’s been horrible. he barely messages me back. Takes him days sometimes. I live in the U.S. and he lives in New Zealand. We don’t say “I love you” anymore. I think he’s cheating on me. We only communicate through Instagram and Skype. I found his Facebook and I was about to send a friend request when I seen he posted a status about being “Totally Single” I’m like wtf. And he never mentions me in any of his posts on Instagram not Facebook. So I scrolled down his newsfeed and he is constantly being tagged by this one girl and he tags her into stuff too. It’s not like relationship stuff but still. He’s not working at the moment and only skates. When he did work in the beginning he would message me all the time, but now not so much. I’m thinking about just being done with this. It just sounds sketchy to me to be honest.

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      Ooof, yes. It doesn’t sound good. Look, I don’t know if he’s into this other girl, but he’s clearly drifted apart from you. Maybe his feelings have changed. Maybe he’s just finding the distance all too much. TO be brutally honest, it doesn’t sound like a good recipe for a happy, shared, future for you too. I think you should call it off. If he wants to be in this relationship he’ll protest when you end it. If he doesn’t, he won’t.

  42. so.. my gf is from Phillipines and i been calling her this morning so many times and at got home around 5:45 AM and works at some place called JUMP and she hasnt been answering the mphone or messages even by FB and has no accepted the relationship statsus… is thier a secrt man i dont know about? please help me with this

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  43. My boyfriend of two years just asked for space. The thing however is that I caught him talking to some women he knew and he said she’s way older than he is and he only spoke about our relationship problems and now recently he moved to another city and I saw on his emails him sending an email to confirm his attendance to a swingers party and when I confronted him he claims that its not him and that its spam. I don’t understand how it could be a spam if it was an ongoing convo! He got furious with me accusing him of writing that email and is now distancing himself from me.

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      Ugh. I’m so sorry. But all those signs add up to something going seriously wrong. And it sounds like he’s using the “Excuse” of your questioning him to push you away. If he comes back, call him on his behavior and make sure you talk it through (if you still want to).

  44. Hey my name is Marilyn I’m 16 and my boyfriend and I are having lots of issues and tbh I get a feeling he is cheating on me he lives in California and I live in Washington, we’ve been together for 4 months, we face time every day and when we text he takes hours and hours to message back and by the time I’m asleep he wants to message, I ask him if he is or if he’s busy or sum but he ignores my question, what should I do?

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      Author

      Follow the advice in this article. Ask him again. And then ask him why he’s ignoring your question and won’t discuss it with you. Tell him you’d like to know what’s going on because a good relationship is built on a foundation of trust and honesty.

  45. Hey my name is Chantelle I’m 20 , my boyfriend is 22 and we’ve been in a long distance relationship for about a year now. Ive read all these stories and I just want to point one thing out, trust your gut feeling. See my boyfriend lives in Maryland and I live in Alaska! We met at training school for the army (we’re both military) and I’ve gone and visited his family and him about 5 times and were pretty serious now that I’m moving to Maryland next month to live with him. I say trust your gut feeling because I don’t know what it is but I always sense something. We talk every single day and all day and everything felt normal. At first he would talk about his ex gf so I knew he still had feelings for her so I told him straight up if you still have feelings for her then go and try again don’t use me as a toy that you use to distract yourself then when you get tired just dump me. He said he was over her that it was nothing. Then he said he had a best friend that was a girl they would hang out blah blah blah I seen her before so I thought okay nothing can happen. Well I was wrong. I felt something was happening although he assured me nothing was going on that he loved me and all that but I still had a feeling. I kept it to myself and planned a trip there. He has a password on his phone and I wanted to get into his phone so I can look and make sure he wasn’t messing around but since it was locked I couldn’t.. Until we went for a night drive and he went to unlock his phone and I seen it on the reflection on my window lol so I got his password. That night he fell asleep and I went through it a boy was I right lol he did stuff with his so called “best friend” and was denying to his ex gf friends we were together. When he woke up? He got a piece of my mind! Lol I went off on him. He apologized said he was drunk which was true I read his texts to the people that he was drunk doesn’t even know what he was saying but it’s still no excuse. Now I keep having feelings he is cheating or messing around but I don’t worry about it until I see the evidence. And if he all of sudden “gets busy” I do the same like if he doesn’t text me back after how many hours or minutes I’ll be like ” well I got to go do some stuff I’ll talk to you later” and boom my phone starts ringing and he starts face timing sometimes I would just give him his space for like a day or half a day he’ll keep calling and texting lol get him a bit worried that he might be losing me and he goes nuts lol anyways just wanted to share I’ve done pretty good at finding things and doing the ” reverse psychology ” and getting guys to just spill out the truth so I hope y’all have a good day/ night 🙂 feel free to email me if I can help 🙂 ngiralmauc@hotmail.com

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  46. I’m not entirely sure yet but when we voice chat on Skype he will be quiet and I can hear him texting people. When I once asked him what he was doing, he said nothing. His phone always seems to “die” and one night when he was texting someone, I could hear, he said he had to go to bed. He’s always really sweet to me and I love him and I just hope he’s not cheating but there might be a possibility. He also stops talking to me in the middle of nowhere and says “Sorry I fell asleep.” And such. I’m very confused and I hope he’s not.

  47. hello, this is sumi, m having a relationship for 6 Long years with a guy 5yrs older than me. in starting of our relation he was a college student and from starting we had long distance relationship though I knew him in person well. it was all ok for first 3 years then he moved in another city and doing a job and feom then it started a bit weird. no m not being a possessive girlfriend always demanding for time and attention but the signs you made lined upper is a bit relative like, sudden mood change, talks only when he is free, busy sundays and holidays, he seems perpetually rushed and
    harried whenever you contact them.he isonly relaxed when he contacts. and yeah he had a cheating past. I don’t want to believe he is cheating but still it hurts when his behaviour reminds me of past

  48. Hello my name is Geovannah and I currently am in a relationship with a guy in New Jersey. Which I live in Georgia. I am 15 years old while he is 18. I like to say I’m very mature and I assure you I’m not playing around with this situation. Me and my boyfriend have been talking on/off for about 1yr and a half. The main reason we stopped talking was communitcation. About a month ago we started back talking and its like we never stopped. We do say “I love you” and I mean it but I just dont know if he does. Just recently a situation happened to were my ex-bestfriend contacted me saying she was talking to him also. I was shocked especially since we used to be reallh close and we live in the same area but yet he lives in NJ but found us? Odd right? We never spoken about him to each other. Oh I assure you he’s real. Me and her both have facetimed with him privatly. He was talking to us at the same time. When we confronted him he told me he wanted to be with her so that hurt me alot but when she decides she doesnt want him anymore he comes right back to me (it was the same day we confronted him btw) After talking for a year I couldn’t just let it go. I gave it a couple days and he really begged for me back so of course I did and ge still says he loves me but i just dont know. If i have a profile picture up with a boy hes always like “whos he” Since I’m not old enough to visit with him yet I do wonder since he is like is he cheating still? So I made a fake profile, contacted him and he flirts and says “im single me and my girl are falling off anyway” i asked where she was from and he said “Texas” During that I was texting him as me but I guess he was busy with my fake because he never texted me back till hours later. He is always busy with something every conversation of ours lasts about 10-15 min. He did tell me about his ex’s…. Even sent pics of them and said they were ugly..?? Keot on and on. I dont want our relationship for so long to end.. But i dont know if i can trust him anymore. Any ideas? Or especially advice?

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      Oh, honey. You TOTALLY can’t trust him. You know that deep down. My advice? Let this one go. Stop wasting time and energy and emotion and focus on being single and 15 and school for a while. The right one will come along when the time is right. He’s not the right one. The time is not right.

  49. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years, and we are currently long distance for this summer (New York and Cali). We were both each other’s first loves, and first for everything, and we started dating freshman year of college. My boyfriend’s first kiss was also me. He has always been a very kind guy, and understands some of my anxieties like female friends or liking other female’s pictures. He keeps me on all his social media profile pictures, our relationship is explicitly stated in social media, his family and friends are very close with me, we have each other’s passwords, he never likes pictures of opposite sex females, and avoids female friends because he knows I am uncomfortable with those things. He started an internship in California this summer, and before summer I asked him several times if he was sure about continuing with such a large distance but he said he wants to get married, and have a future with me and that distance should not matter, and will help us grow as individuals. We have had long distance last summer (PA to NY) but it was mostly smooth and we had frequent visits. This summer everything has changed, and for the worst, and I don’t know if it’s him cheating or me being paranoid. For starters, I made him promise a few things like never hanging in groups with his friends if females are present, and obviously the other promises of never talking to females unless fully professional, not adding them on snapchat/getting numbers etc. He happily promised to keep these. Once the internship started, he would Skype me every night for 20-30 minutes. However, after the second week he became busier with work/friends and Skype dates were not as frequent due to our time differences (12 here, 9pm there). He always did continue to message/text me good mornings, play words with friends and have virtual netflix dates, ask how my day was going etc, but I still felt weird not being the #1 priority like I always was when he was at home for breaks. I do have a tendency to sometimes overthink things, so every single week of this past month and a half of the summer I would complain at him for things like not replying exactly word for word to all my snapchats or long essay texts, not always being able to answer my calls, forgetting to call at night etc. Of course, I would bombard and call him a million times to share these doubts, and he always told me that he is honestly just busy with this new internship and getting to know the interns, and that he will try his best to up his game and be better at calling and answering things.He also reminded me of how he naturally is not the biggest texting fan(I’ve known of this since the start since he can barely reply to his own family or friends) and how he does not like negativity. He began to not initiate plans to visit, stopped replying to me as frequently, getting mad easily when I called because he was busy or out with friends, and started to curse me out when I called him in the middle of the night. Every night i would send him essays on how he needs to change or improve, then he would apologize and tell me he would improve, then he actually would be a better communicator for the next day, but then it would spiral back to bad right after that day. I grew impatient and anxious, and would constantly share my depression about these things and constantly ask if he wants to break up, and he always assured me no, and that we just need to work hard, and focus on encouraging each other instead of me bringing him down with essays and long calls, something he does not enjoy at all. Then, one week I found out there were female interns in the camping ground they went to, and I confronted him-and he confessed that he had lied all summer to me, that group hangouts did not include females, since he knew it was one of our promises and he knew I would be furious if group hangouts had female interns present and i wanted him to avoid all female contact, and not hang with friends if females happened to be there. He said he did not expect me to forgive him for the lie, and that he was ashamed of it, but also that my restriction on him was ruining his freedom and hampering his career and ability to network and expand with the coworkers on his team. I told my friends who told me to give it a chance and learn to be more trusting, and i told him that and he was shocked. “Why would you want to be with someone who lied babe?” and i told him i was willing to be more mature and understanding, but that despite group hangouts, he had to keep all other promises and still avoid talks with those females in the groups etc. That was just last week, and then I asked him clearly if he wanted to make us work or break it off with all these domino effect problems of him not being receptive enough and me getting upset fairly easily, and a repeat of the same mistakes-and he said he DID genuinely want to make it work, and that even though it may take some time for him to naturally be his usual self and better at calls/giving me time, he wants to be with me forever. Then last saturday night, while he was out with his friends, we talked on the phone and THEN HE WENT TO SLEEP WITHOUT REPLYING TO MY GOODNIGHT MESSAGES ON MY TEXTS AND MESSENGER!!i was infuriated because i logged on to his fb and he sent some funny memes to his frat brothers group message, but DIDNT HAVE THE HEART TO REPLY TO MINE?then i called him when it was 5am in cali, and asked if he was cheating-because A BUNCH of the signs matched up:yelling easily at me if i call for long periods of time or during his work-am i not more important than work?, yelling at me for nagging or complaining (HELLO-why cant he up his game and be better at communication and give me more time than the internship and Cali?), and how he seemed naturally distant. Then he told me he did not cheat, and that he has been behaving so distant is because all he gets from me is complaining, nagging or emotional essays-something which he does not enjoy at all, and its naturally causing him to distance himself from me. I asked the same question three more times again and he got annoyed saying it was draining to repeat the same answer, and to let him sleep. I called again and again while he was sleeping and he got reallyannoyed. Then I sent him about 50 texts and messenger messages about how he followed a bunch of crucial signs of cheating from the article-like getting mad at me easily, bad communication, drawing away etc. Then when he woke up he was the one to call me, and in a really calm tone, he told me how he was not cheating but that he understands where i came from with my doubts, and he explaiend how these negative behaviors of yelling and drawing away naturally came to him because of the negative dramatic daily turns our relationship took every day this summer, and that he just needs some space and break from emotional talk, and for us to focus on our future together, happy encouraging talks, and being loving, but not in essay letter format and not being clingy. IDK what to make of it, and i asked him and told him i wouldn’t be mad if he did cheat and that i just watned the truth, and that he shouldn’t be dating someone he has to lie to or cheat on, and he reassured me that he was not and just needed some time, lack of daily weekly negativity or emotional drama, to spring back to his normal self. He said he really wants to try and make things work happily and that he will try his best to be better at communicating/not lashing out as long as i don’t bother him during work/sleep and constantly bombard about emotions. IDK what to do or think-is he cheating? i literally asked him a thousand + times and told him i wont be hurt by it because whats meant to be will happen, and that truth is better. i need advice please help:)))PS-i asked friends for advice (guys and girls) and they said I just need to let him enjoy cali and stop sweating everything and give it some time.

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      Hi there, Please read this post. There’s a lot in there that is applicable to your situation. http://www.modernlovelongdistance.com/distant-relationships-pursuit-retreat/ Also, I have a question for you. Could this guy actually say anything that would calm your fears and make you trust that he’s not cheating? Regardless of whether he’s cheating or has cheated, it really sounds to me as if you’ve been smothering him. So think carefully about how you can and will modify your own behaviour and needs when and if you get back together. I agree with your friends. Leave him alone for a while if you want to have any hope of this relationship working.

  50. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year and 4 months with no temporary break ups I’ve noticed the way our conversations have changed and he stays busy all the time and he only gets time to text me late and then about an hour in our conversation he says baby I’m tired gn I love you and I get pissed. He doesn’t mention any of his friends and I feel like we’re becoming more and more distant.

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  51. Hi my name is Shaniqua and I am 21 on my boyfriend is 27. We have been dating for 10 months now. Everything was going so good he would text me good morning complement me and everything. Then when he gets off he lets me know and he goes home. After that we would talk for hours until he fall asleep. We never went a day without talking and we also go to sleep together on the phone. My birthday was in May so that weekend he took me out to eat we had a great time. But after that I started to notice a change in him he would take hours to text back. He does construction on the roads I know that it can be dangerous so I didn’t bother that but he started getting to the point where he wouldn’t let me know when he got off . He hasn’t been texting me good night or nothing. He goes to work at 3:00 am and gets off about 7 or pm. He always claiming he’s tired and that he don’t feel like talking. He never lets me know where he is until after for messages. He seems like he has an attitude at times. He always say he’s not going no where and the he love me and that I am a blessing from God. And when we first got together I ask him if he had kids he said no I asked when his birthday was he told me. Then when February came around he told me he had to tell me some he lied about having kids he lied about his name and he lied about his birthday. So something kept telling
    me to type in his snapchat name because he claimed that he wasn’t on no social networks. When I typed the name in an Instagram account and plenty of fish account popped up with recently taken photos on them. I asked him about it and he said my cousin Brodrick using it to get hoes not me. It’s da truth if u don’t believe me dats on u can’t make u believe me ion need a app to get women… He suppose to come see me this weekend. But I don’t know what to do I feel hurt and played.

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  52. I am 17 years old. And my boyfriend is 18. He lives about 2100 kms away. We were dating for 3 years until he decided to leave me. We were in the same school but then his dad got posted and left. We were in a long distance relationship for 2years out of our total 3 years. But a month back , he decided that this is not healthy and that I am stunting his growth in life and that he wants to socialise more and that he is not happy in this anymore and how he just can’t do distance any longer. I appreciated his decision. We still kept in touch. But I sensed something was wrong. And I thought he was probably cheating on me. And then I asked him and he told me he wants to go out with other girls too , especially cause he is in college now and its the time when you’re supposed to have fun. So I decided on letting him go. It was hard for me to even process all of this. But the next day, he called up and he told me that he didn’t mean a thing he said. And that he doesn’t want anyone else. He needs me. He begged of me . I begged him not to leave when he broke up couple of weeks back but he didn’t care at all and said no every time. But this time he says he is sorry for what happened and that he wants me back. I don’t know what to do.

    1. So i’m also 15.. and my boyfriend’s 19..guess 19 year olds got a thing on us 15 year olds..okay okay..right now him and i are 9 months in a rela (LRD) also its my longest relationship..at first he was the “best guy” i ever dated..he was “perfect”..understanding and all..and to be quite honest..i asked him out..(i couldn’t help it..he’s personality was tops) but he wasnt as cute or should i rather say he’s not a ” hot” as most of my ex boyfriends..uhm..but i could manage him..okay so like i’m a person or rather was a person with a short temper..and one day i asked him what it was that he hated most about me..and he replied saying “my temper and anger issues” so i changed that about me…i became a “chilled person”..and like i totally changed my personality..i’m still a very opionated person.. i mean like who isnt..at this age..and yes i do speak my mind..at all times..but with him..its so hard..i find myself speechless..even if something he did really hurt my feelings..oh yeah and while we on that..my feelings weren’t that easy to get to back then..but suddenly now he’s got a way of controlling my emotions and feelings..and i find myself crying for the most unthoughtful reasons..it hurts me alot..i used to be able to “play” and annoy him at anytime of the day..and he really would resond to me in a sweet way..but now he’ s become this mean..tense person that gets angry and starts showing that he’s irritated with me..sometimes he’d say stace just stop it or even say ” not in the mood”nd i’d jus be like okay cool i’ll stop and then he’d expect me to say sorry or smile and make he’s night..”really thoughtful of him” dont you think? Well he’s also been posting pictures of him and some other girls..and gives me alot of attitude lately..gets angry at me for no apparent reason then acts as if i did something wrong..he can be online and i send him a text and he’d blunt ignore it and only answer me after aproximately 10-15 mins.. and its been going on for the past 2months.. i totally changed my lifestyle..personality and way i viewed life and i also learnt to look at a situation from two persectives..and i learnt to love..but what do i get in return..a slap in the face..i tried to be the better person..i really..truly tried..but i was never appreciated for it..i tried talking to my bestfriend and a few other people and all i got back was “do what your heart tells you to do or do what makes you happy..” but he does make me happy and i’m so afraid of losing him..although last night i thought my mind was made up..i cant stand letting him go..i’m so so scared..i love him alot and to think that i could fall inlove over the phone..i dont kno what to do..i’m not happy with this relationship anymore..and i’ve been thinking about my ex boyfriend alot lately especially because he called me two days ago..and i havent talked to my boyfriend in like 12 days..and he doesnt even bother to check if i’m okay.. i really love this guy..but i feel like i bore and irritate him..and he dosent love me anymore..please help.. i’m tired of feeling like he treats me like crap..i really dont deserve such treatment from a guy..

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        Stacie… Woah. Take a deep breath. Now… I’ll be blunt. The relationship is not working. You feel like you bore and irritate him. You’ve tried to change all sorts of things about yourself to please him, and it’s not working. (That strategy’s not going to work for you in the long run, either, by the way). You haven’t had any contact in 12 days or so. I advise you to break it off, and take some time without dating anyone to just be 15. Figuring out what you’re like and how you act in relationships and what feels right and easy is a process. So don’t jump straight into another dating relationship, just take a little breather first. All the best.

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      Hi there. How confusing for you. But it sounds to me like your instincts are telling you to be careful. You know that when you begged him he didn’t care. And now he seems to have changed his mind (for a while??) or felt needy (for a while??) and he wants to know he’s still got you in his life, so he’s begging and he expects you to just feel like everything is OK again. I hope things have become clearer in the last five days, but it sounds to me like this breakup may have been in the works for a while, and he’s just having second thoughts because he’s scared and it hurts. All the best figuring out what YOU want and moving forward.

  53. I am 17 years old. And my boyfriend is 18. He lives about 2100 kms away. We were dating for 3 years until he decided to live. We were in the same school but then his dad got posted and left. We were in a long distance relationship for 2years out of our total 3 years. But a month back , he decided that this is not healthy and that I am stunting his growth in life and that he wants to socialise more and that he is not happy in this anymore and how he just can’t do distance any longer. I appreciated his decision. We still kept in touch. But I sensed something was wrong. And I thought he was probably cheating on me. And then I asked him and he told me he wants to go out with other girls too , especially cause he is in college now and its the time when you’re supposed to have fun. So I decided on letting him go. It was hard for me to even process all of this. But the next day, he called up and he told me that he didn’t mean a thing he said. And that he doesn’t want anyone else. He needs me. He begged of me . I begged him not to leave when he broke up couple of weeks back but he didn’t care at all and said no every time. But this time he says he is sorry for what happened and that he wants me back. I don’t know what to do.

  54. Hi I’m Grace. I am 15 years old and I live in Delaware. On Thursday June 9, 2016, I broke up with (ex) boyfriend Stephen. He is 17 and lives in Washington(not Washington DC in Maryland, but Washington state). We officially became a couple on December 30th of 2015. So we were together for 5 months and 23 days and yesterday the 14th would be going on 6 months. I was the one who broke up with Stephen but before I go into that here is the conversation.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Me: Stephen I think we should break up…. I’m not going to be able to talk to you for the rest of the summer most likely and you might think I just left you without a single word. Also I really don’t know when we will be able to talk again. It could be years from now to be honest, and I’m going to be really busy this whole entire summer with therapy and other stuff. And this whole tablet thing was just a one time thing, I just got lucky. I’m so so sorry Stephen I really am, but I’m doing this because I know it’s the right thing to do. You’d probably be better off without me anyways well dating wise, if you still want to talk as friends thats okay but we can’t be anything more than friends or should I say acquaintances. So yeah Stephen I don’t think we should break up we are breaking up Stephen.

    Me: I’m going to bed night.

    Stephen: Alrighty, goodnight.

    Me: Yeah.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    I was mad about his response because it felt like to me he didn’t even care that I just ended things with him, but I kind of expected that kind of response from him to be honest with you. In the beginning of our relationship everything was going good I guess you could say. Stephen is very interpersonal. He doesn’t really want to open up with a lot of things and I could see why. Is very first girlfriend broke up with him because he opened up to her and she left him. He showed me text messages but you couldn’t see what any of it said because he covered up everything, if you have Facebook messenger you might understand what I’m trying to explain, I wanted to help Stephen to be there for him, to show him that I love him and care about him but as time went on things weren’t as good anymore. Stephen would always be telling me about this person named Luna and showing me some of there conversations, he didn’t show me a lot of there conversations either, it would make me angry, upset, etc. I get that they’re friends but I always had a feeling that he might be cheating on me with her. Since I already have major trust issues it just makes things 10 times worse. At the same time I would think to myself(and still do) that Stephen and Luna should just date. I really couldn’t talk to any of my friends about it because it’s like they didn’t even care, so I just kept everything to myself acting like everything was alright when it really wasn’t. So my depression got even worse. There is more but I might talk about it later but for now here is my ending note: Even though I didn’t want to break up with Stephen I knew it was the right thing to do. Even though I didn’t want to lose him I knew what had to be done. I need to focus on myself and yes that sounds very selfish of me, it’s true. I’m not in a good place right now, I have my own issues and problems that I need to deal with and don’t need someone else’s problems to deal with. I need to get my mind straight, if I want to see my birth mom again I need to do everything in my power to make sure that happens. And for anyone that is going through a situation where they think that there boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on them either tell them how you feel, break up with them or go with your gut. No one needs to be in a relationship where the other person is putting you down. Do what is best for you and if you do break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. If you and that person were meant to be together then in time you will be in each other’s paths again and will be back together again.

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      This is such good advice: “No one needs to be in a relationship where the other person is putting you down.” Glad you followed your gut. All the best with focusing on yourself for a while.

  55. Hi I’m Jacob. I’m 18 years and so is my fiance. We’ve been dating for about 5 years. (on and off). Well starting last year in my senior year, we haven’t been talking as much as we used to. We used to talk every single day now we only talk about maybe 3 or times a day. Periodically. Maybe 5 if I’m lucky. Anyway since it’s been the year 2016,weve only talked on the phone twice this year. I love her, I just feel like she’s cheating. She never sends me pictures her, constantly making up excuses when I want to talk to her, and yet she still wants me to spend more time with her. We live in 2 different states and I don’t know how much longer I can take of this. Can you help me?

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      Author

      Hi Jacob. It really sounds like things are shifting for you guys/have shifted. We’re six months into the year, and if you’ve only talked twice that means communication is really dwindling down to the point where you effectively don’t have much or a relationship anymore. Also, I don’t understand how “she makes up excuses when I want to talk to her, but wants me to spend more time with her” fits in. I think you should have an honest talk, and tell her that it seems to you that she wants to break it off. If she says she doesn’t, then talk specifically about how you’ll talk more to each other.

  56. Hi! My name is Jessica, I’m 21 years old and having a long distance relationship w/ 17 year old boyfriend, I live half way world around. We never used any skype and webcam, we only do is texts or calls. We’ve been dating for almost two weeks now. I’m so confused and at the same time worried, I’m in a relationship yet I have a dain of mistrust on my guy because once I’ve check the girl’s account that he got linked with, she posted ‘I miss you, I love you’ w/ two hearts and it’s tagged with someone, so I checked the tagged person’s account and saw something that really suspiscious, I saw the birthday of the account, it has the same birthday and age of my boyfriend and he’s the only mutual friends that I have with. I want to ask him about it but he’s just going to accuse me again of doubting him and having someone else. I love him and I care for him.

    Then I have three guys waiting for me, all of them are persistent and willing to wait for me. They are all nice and really deserve a girl that will love them. But I’m still dating w/ my guy, even though I don’t trust him as much as I do but I can’t hurt him because I love him too much. I don’t want to hurt someone. I’d rather hurt myself, than to hurt him. I don’t want to make another mistake in my life.

    Can you help me?

    1. Post
      Author

      This statement really concerns me: “I can’t hurt him because I love him too much.” For starters, you guys have been dating for only two weeks, that’s not enough time to really know if you love him–only that you care for him. I’m even more worried about the “I can’t hurt him” part, though, because I used to be like that, too. And it led me to avoid honest discussions and potentially uncomfortable moments that I should have faced head on. So my advice to you is this: face it head on. Ask him about it. Calmly. Stop worrying about hurting him quite so much. And listen to your instincts.

  57. hi I’m 16 an I’m also in a long distance relationship, me and my bf hav ben dating for 4months now an it feels like I hav made a big mistake by dating him (it’s weird I knw)sometimes I jst feel lyk breaking up with him buh then change my mind….what should I do???

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      Author

      Hi Violet, in your situation, if you spend more than 15% of your time feeling like you should break up with him… you should break up with him. All the best, Lisa

  58. OK first of all ur only 15 and he’s 19 that is child rape second u only new him for 2 weeks maybe 3 girl if u don’t have his instagram password or like password or anything of his passwords OK and if he doesn’t ask u did you eat r u OK do u need anything do need something or if u have to say I love you first or if u have to be the one to start the conversation first I’m sorry but most definitely he’s cheating on u and also if he hangs out Whit his fiends or cuzzins and thy are girls u should definitely have something to worrie about and if he ask u for any money or nudes yes I feel bad for u

  59. Hi, I’m Jorden. I am only 19 and my boyfriend is almost 21. We met in Japan because both of our families are military. So, as you can imagine neither of us have really had a serious relationship before. This is the first for both of us. We were only together for about nine months when he left for boot camp. This coming June marks one year of being apart for us. I was supposed to go to GA with his family and spend about 2 weeks there; but, I had family problems and that’s no longer an option… He’s been talking to me less. When he does talk to me, it’s either extremely lovingly or he sounds distracted/distant. I’ve been asking for us to call or FaceTime since the last time we talked(January) but it never seems to happen. He’s completely stopped talking to me on the weekend (the most is once). I’m afraid that’s he’s losing interest, or hope, or that he doesn’t want to stay together any longer… This could just be paranoia because I’ve had a lot of family problems in the past (I was adopted at 13) and obviously the present. I wanted to call him for my birthday which was 7 days ago but he just “seemed too busy” or in other words too uninterested for me to muster the courage to talk to him about this…With everything that’s going on I just want someone else’s opinion because im afraid to trust my own judgement.

    Thank you for your time.

    1. Post
      Author

      Jorden, I somehow missed this comment when it came in. I’m sorry. It does sound like his feelings are changing, and that he’s not feeling willing or able to put in the extra effort and work that an LDR needs. If he can’t even talk to you on your birthday, that’s a pretty big sign that he’s not thinking about your needs and wants, and that he’s not being a loving partner right now. I really hope things have evened out for you in the last month. Failing that, I do hope you had some honest talks and came to a clear decision about what the future holds as far as your relationship. All the best, Lisa

  60. I’m 13 and my boyfriend is 15 we have been dating for a month he barely talks to me and he always says I have to go 20 minutes after we start talking I feel like hes cheating on me I am in love with him and he is in love with me we have not met yet but i’m scared of losing him please help me I have been going through a lot lately and he barely says I love you he says bye and sometimes he doesn’t say I love you

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      Author

      Hi, Jade. OK, I really don’t want to sound patronizing because I remember what it’s like to be 13 and 15 and it’s HARD WORK!! Man, being a teenager and figuring out love and relationships is just all sorts of difficult and confusing even before you throw the internet into the mixture. I wouldn’t want to do it again.

      Given that, though, here are some straight-talking thoughts for you. I’m sorry in advance if this hurts your feelings, but I get the sense that you’re a mature 13 and you can handle an honest opinion. So here’s my honest opinion: 13 (even a mature 13) and 15 is too young to be trying to have a serious long distance relationship. Like, waaaaaaaay too young. I think it’s too young to really fall in love even if you lived next door to each other. It’s definitely too young to be thinking that you’re in love with someone you’ve never met yet, or saying I love you, or being worried about cheating.

      So I know it’s hard, and it hurts because very real, very big, emotions are involved… but you’d be much better off focusing on school and friends and hobbies and all the other stuff in life right now, and just not trying to “date”. Especially long distance. So my advice is to stop worrying about this guy. And stop talking to him. And accept that life will bring you many people to get to know along the way, and in the meantime you get to be 13. And 14. And 15. So take your time with your head, your heart, and the words “I love you.”

      All the very best,
      Lisa

  61. Thanks for advice, everything is great again, she was just too nervous to talk to me the same way because she said she wouldn’t know how I would react. This website is great, keep up good work.

  62. Now I am not very experienced with relationships, I would guess a new ls reporter would have a lot on his plate around holidays. The not replying may have been because work got too stressful, I imagine it would be hard ifhe had to interview people that were incredibley irritating… I would be more worried if he replied almost shockingly fast every time. But again, don’t quote me, as I said, not experienced with relationships…

  63. am irene from Uganda n m 19 while he is 25 we have been in long distance relationship for a year. i have this feelin that he is cheatin coz first,here comes valentine n he neither sends me a gift,nor a call frm him and nt even a msg! he calz me afta two dayz sayin he waz so buzy(hez a news reporter) weneva i try cal him hez phone z buzy, he talks to me while moving neva at home n takes long to reply ma msgz n smtymz not. although he hz this convincing tongue that makes me believe even wen i think hez lying. help me pliz m i bein xo suspicious or is he the one cheatin?

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      Author

      I agree with everything Nektrune wrote. But I also think that you can explain away all sorts of things time after time, when deep down you know something doesn’t feel right. And it seems to me that that is what you’re feeling–that something’s not right. Look, even if he’s not cheating, he’s clearly not connecting with you in your relationship the way you want him too. I don’t think you have anything to loose by having an honest conversation with him about this. You can try approaching him by saying something like, “When it takes you two days to reply to me after I try to call you, it makes me feel nervous that there’s someone else, or that you don’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you.” And then see what he says.

  64. My long distance gf seems to talk to many guys and says they are just friends on a game. But she talks to them a lot more than me, and she one time said she had to end a skype call because they were calling her. She swears she doesn’t like anyone else but she also has intimate coversations with them and doesn’t like it when I try to talk to her like they do. I think she is leading me on, any help?

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      Author

      Well, I don’t know if she’s leading you on, but there does seem to be something out of balance in this picture. If she’s your girlfriend, I’d expect her to be be spending more time talking to you and talk more deeply and intimately with you than with other people. That’s sort of the way this long distance relationship thing works. So if that’s not happening, then something does seem odd.

  65. I have concern i met my fiance on FB we started talking March 9 2015 on March 11 2015 we officially are BF & GF after 9 month together . i told her that i would see her in the philippines but during my struggle to get my past port i learn to one of her family members she has change drastically when i confront her about it she admit she had sex with another man Jozsef Ujvari.
    I was heart broken during those 9 month i was wiring her money to help her out however because i loved her i forgave her. After i went to the philippines and came back to america our conversation was long. But lately i norice a change in her behavior she talkless to me and when she does i have to be fast texting her. I feel like i am in a time watch.
    Her excuse are the following my battery is empty my wifi is weak my wifi battery is empty my i need money to load my wifi i am hungry i am cooking breakfast i am taking a shower i am tired i am sleepy. Always the same bullshit. And when i talk to her after awhile she tells me ow buy the wat my sister drop my phone or i am in my friend house or i am in another town. Meantime when she needs money she would txt me and when money is on the way i don’t her from her anymore. I am scare i don’t want to go throughh that again broken heart. I got engage 2 times and on my wedding day my bride to be never show up. I broke down and cry and for years i was depress Please what advice can you give me? How do i catch a liar from there own game? Help please??????

    1. Post
      Author

      Hi Juan. I think you have already caught the liar at her own game. You know yourself what’s 99% for sure going on–that she is using you for money, but doesn’t love you the way you want her to–and the question for you is what are you going to do about it. She is very unlikely to change her behavior while you’re in a long distance relationship, and she may not change her behavior even if you moved in together. I would advise you to move on. I know it’s incredibly painful, but think forward to one year in the future and imagine feeling this way in 12 months with nothing having changed, or imagine feeling yourself strong and free again and maybe in another, better, relationship. All the best.

  66. hello, i want to confess alot of things. i found a girl online , so we started talking. since i thought it’s just for sometimes, so i lied a bit. than we started liking each other. and after three months, we said i love you to each other. Now, one thing i know is the she never lied a thing, and she really loves me alot. I’ve even talked to her friends and parents. but on other side, she have a very wrong projection of me.. the small small lies i told about my personality had made me an entirely different guy than what i really am.
    But the thing is , i really love her now, i want her in my life but the feeling that i have lied so many things and she don’t love the real me. she love the person i pretended .
    She is 16. she had a boyfriend when she was 14 and he left her 2 years after. she is very sensitive ..
    i love her, that’s why i think i should let her go but than i don’t wanna hurt her. she loves me madly when when everyone near her tells her not to be in long distance. so i am sure that she will be hurt real badly. i don’t know what to do.

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      Author

      Good for you for realizing that you’ve misled her, and for feeling badly about it. As I see it, you have only one sensible option. Come clean with her. Tell her everything, and explain exactly what you’ve lied about and why. Then tell her you love her and you’d like to start over with total honesty between you. Give her a couple of days without talking to think things over. Then see what she wants. If she walks away, at least you’ve given it a shot. If she stays, win!! But do make sure you’re really focused on being totally honest moving forward.

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          1. i told her all. she said she never wanna talk with me. she’s hurt.
            i am feeling bad for me.. i am feeling bad for her.
            will she be alright? will she trust another guy?
            she already had Posttraumatic stress disorder because her first boyfriend left her while she was young.
            i just don’t want that she won’t trust a guy ever again.

  67. I have been living in a long distance relationship for the last 11 years now. And all went well until approx. 10 months ago. Suddenly unanswered SMS or emails, unavailable on phone (even denying calls), request to not be disturbed until 1200 on the WE, sudden change in sexual life when we finally meet (all 6 or 8 weeks – we are 7000 KM apart). What bothers me most is to realize that this time, when we met (just a view days ago) she seemed to have an infection. Sexual activity was not possible as it “hurts” her. I do not know any longer, what to think. And it makes me sick and paranoid – I am hardly able to work as it turn in my head all the time. The whole relation has turned into something unhealthy. It only is ok when we see each other and talk. I asked what was going on, she said: nothing, I just try to relax from work (we both work in a very stressful environment – diplomatic). My inner feeling tells me, something is seriously wrong. But I love her (still). What to do? Some advice here? Is it the distance that is killing the relation slowly? Is it maybe my lacking trust? Is there something else? I am lost…. And its time to get the things in line.

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      Author

      Wow, you’ve invested so much in this relationship across 11 years. That’s a lot of patience, determination, and love. And it’s a long time to get to know someone well, so I would definitely trust the inner voice that’s telling you things have changed. It’s not lacking trust to sense that things have changed, and not for the better. My advice is to follow what your little inner voice is telling you–that it’s time to get things in line. I’d guess that means having some frank discussions, and it sounds like this is something that you should do face to face. If you’re not going to see each other for several more months, then perhaps try to address it over distance. But don’t wait much longer. Think about what’s on your heart, that you love her, but that you also sense things are changing and that her feelings are changing (or, if they’re not, let her know her ACTIONS are changing). Talk about it. It’ll probably take more than once conversation. I’d bring it up, and then have the initial conversation and let her know what you want to talk about, and let her know you want to have several conversations about this so you both have time to think. Ask her where she’s at, what she wants, etc. All the best.

  68. I feel like my bf is hiding something or cheating, even though he tells me that he loves me and calls me his princess. Lately he’s been responding slowly to my messages, and having excuses to leave, like he has to walk his dog or he’s looking after his nieces or nephews, he’s almost 21 now and I’m 16. Big difference, I know. We’ve known each other for about a year now and we’ve been dating since March 7th. If anyone wants to give advice, it would be great

    1. I feel like it should be stated, since I don’t even see the Author mentioning this, but to the 15’s, and 16 year olds dating 19 and 21 year olds. I’m a male. I’m in my twenties. I feel I speak on the behalf of any man over 18 when I say this, but you do realize that dating a minor is wrong, right? If they do like you, it’s almost certainly a battle in their mind. More often then not, they may actually be feeling sorry for you, and don’t want to make you feel like a child, or inadequate, but guess what, society, and law don’t care how you feel. Your boyfriend/s could be arrested for it, and they are walking a fine line. You must also consider the disparity of cognitive ability present in such drastic ages. At 15, and 16 you don’t know what you want in your life. Fueled by hasty hormonal changes, and the craze that comes with this, you will undoubtedly believe blindly that your relationship is solid. But in his mind, he’s already beginning to know what he wants in life. Most college age people are figuring themselves out, and are already speedily heading away from the bliss of childhood. You have to imagine what’s going through his head. You can’t even legally consent to be with him anyways. He could like you, but nothing would be harder for that man than to deal with the feeling of A: I’m a grown man who can be thrown in jail for this, and B: She can’t even legally have a say whether she wants to be with me, or not. Lastly, I’m fully aware that even though the majority age for consent laws are 18, there are a few states that have it as young as 14, with limitations such as an age gap cap that is removed at 18, and some countries in the world that are not so mainstream that have no such laws, but chances are if you’re living in the US, Europe, or even Asia, it’s 18. On a sweeter note, I don’t mean to burst any bubbles without properly saying, you’re young. Enjoy it while it lasts.

  69. Hi guzy ma name is milli live in mpuamalanga ma boyfriend at school neh have been chearting on me bt dd nt want to distap him wth his galfriend mabye bt thn my question is hw can i ask him that he loves me or nt

  70. Wen i confrontd him,he said he would forever love me..yestaday was my birthday,his txt came late and he dint even call me throughout yestaday to know hw my day went nd its unlike him..i was so disappointd,i dnt think his heart belongs to me anymore

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      Author

      From everything you’ve said about how he’s changed, it does sound like he’s focusing elsewhere (either that or he’s being a really crappy boyfriend). All the best as you move forward in your life.

  71. We’ve had an issue before that had to do with him having an affair bt we resolved it..he has totally changed in his attitude towards me(he doesn’t call d way he used to and doesn’t reply my txt or fb msg)

  72. Hi,am 19yrs and my boyfriend is 21yrs..we’ve been dating for like 4yrs nw right from sec. sch. he says he’d like us to get married in future,we got into LDR 5months ago bt d challenge am facing nw is that am having a feeling that his cheating

  73. Hi, my name is Savannah and this is slightly different from cheating, but I thought it was kind of related, so I just wanted to ask people´s opinions. So I go to girl’s boarding school and we have a brother school nearby. I have been good friends with this guy who goes to that brother school. We talk through text (actually mostly Snapchat) every single day. He just hasn’t asked me out yet, but we’re technically dating. We meet pretty often, but occasionally, I have to leave country since I don’t originally live in US. We were pretty good on terms and he’s a really nice guy who never seems like a person to cheat. Looking at this signs, there is absolutely no indication that he is cheating on me. I mean especially on Facebook, it is so clear that we’re really close and for strangers, it looks like we’re dating. (We have a lot of pictures together and stuff) I haven’t exactly met their family yet, but he has two sisters who know that we’re really close and the sisters really like me too. Anyways, here comes the important part. Recently, I heard from a friend that her friend (he’s actually friends with this guy that I was talking about, but not that close) told her that he recently started doing this same relationship thing that we were doing with another girl. But it’s just so weird because I’m actually good friends with his other friends and they never mentioned anything like that. I mean, in fact, they continued to ship me and him even more. And I know that the friend of the guy I mentioned (who said he was flirting with another girl), he’s not a bad person or anything, but he recently kinda got dumped by the girl he likes because of the guy friend that I’m really close with (he was encouraging him to ask her out, but it didnt end up well). But I just can’t help to think about that when I hear something like this all of a sudden. Or even if he was actually seeing another girl, I don’t really have any right to say something because we’re actually not officially in a relationship, but it just makes me really disappointed and iffy about this whole thing, you know? And I would be more skeptical if he was not replying me to texts or changed his attitude or something, but that is not the case at all. In fact, he’s been even nicer to me recently. So any thoughts on what might be happening? Please, I really wanted to talk to people about it, but I really didn’t wanna talk to my friends about it. Thank you so much!!

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      Author

      Hi Savannah… gosh that does sound confusing. Do you WANT to be dating him, or are you content with just friendship? If you’d like to be dating or even if you just want to know exactly where you stand I suggest you ask him directly about all of this. I know it might feel awkward, but try to think about how you might approach him and talk about what’s been happening – that you’ve been close and you’ve been acting like you’re dating, even though you’re not officially, and you just wanted to have an open discussion about what you were both thinking and feeling to reduce uncertainty. Be brave, and good luck!

  74. Well, I’m 19 and my bf is 20 a year older than me, we started dating almost two months now, well at first it was really great I introduce him to my family via Skype, and seriously he’s the first guy I introduce to my family. Well the issue is lately I’ve been crying myself to sleep cause he seems to be changed, I ask him whats up with us but he always says that nothing change and he loves me, he’s happy with me and things, but he only says that when I get really mad and when were normal, me being sweet and caring he acts the same, rarely messaging me or not at all! I mean he used to call me randomly, says I love you, says sweet stuffs and things but now, I dont know anymore. please give me advice cause this is driving me insane, why did he change?

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      Author

      Oh, Emerald. I’m sorry. It does sound like his feelings are changing/have changed from what you’ve said. I hope you two have been able to have some open talks about this during the last month. All the best.

  75. Hello there. My name is Emerald, 28 years old, in a long distance relationship for about 3 years. My boyfriend and I met in an online game and started out as good friends (for God knows how long…). We haven’t met in person yet but someday it’ll come (very hopeful I am…). We communicate in messenger but we don’t utilize the video chat option because we aren’t comfortable with it … The first year of our relationship as boyfriend-girlfriend was really a bumpy ride but our communication lines were open so we resolved our issues right here and there… But due to our cultural and religious differences, he told me to keep our relationship a secret (until now) because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone (especially our common friend who has intimate feelings for him as well). At first I really didn’t mind it but now, it’s haunting me… Why until now, won’t let me tell the world how I truly love him and vice versa…? My mom and my friends know about this relationship I am having with him (their fingers are crossed though)… I always defend him because he is kind, understanding, loving, and I love him so much….

    However, these past few months, his behavior towards me has changed… He told me firmly that it’s better if we keep our communication to a minimum so that we could focus on more better things. I was really reluctant about this idea because for me, communication is one of the pillars of a relationship (especially for us who are in a long distance relationship)… He doesn’t seem to get me… Nowadays, he would rather play online games and be with his friends much that I feel he is avoiding me… That is my huge gut feeling… Then, he has been taking about the girls that is dear to him in a way that makes me overly jealous and suspicious (I feel that he does it in purpose…) … I tried to be calm and understanding because he is my bestfriend before he became my boyfriend… I love him very much that it hurts me down right into the core…

    When I came across this article, I identified a lot of red flags… (And I haven’t read the entire article yet) …. Ah my comment is way longer than I expected…

  76. hello,my name is ola,i have a baby mama who i really love so much,but ever since i start dating her,even after she gave birth to my son,i caught her many times cheated on me,i hv leave home for more than to study abroad,but before i travelled,she made a vow she will never cheat on me….but most of my time,my mind do tell me she cheating on me,i believe my mind coz it doesnt deceive me……

  77. hi i m james so i have a little question???
    i want to if you almost see you girlfriend everyday and one you go and visit some please how do you know that she is not cheating because i am use to see her and call her.
    if she say she loves you and i say i love her and miss her but the problem i dont know that is she cheating on me or not because we always tell each other tht we trust each other and i believe her and i so trust her and i know that she do trusts me but i am not close to her and i am going to go back after chirstmas can you please answer me????

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      Author

      James, not quite sure what you’re looking for here. If you’re seriously concerned she might be cheating, check out my cheating book on this topic. Otherwise, the main challenge here is coping with changes in your relationship and learning to trust with less contact. Think of it as a chance to grow in a new area and make you and your relationship stronger.

  78. Post
    Author

    Hi Diana, lots of things wrapped up in your comment. A lot of which I address in the book on cheating, which is over in our e-store for $2.99. So duck on over there and pick up 80 pages worth of advice (WAY more than I have time or space to fit into a comment). All the best, Lisa (and PS, yes, if he’s cheated on others the odds are increased that he would and could cheat on you).

  79. my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl I ever seen in my life. I seem to get this gut feeling from time to time that something is going on. I broke up with her because I felt I was taken for granted not enough emotional support. she went on to date another guy while I wept and felt stupid. It was a rebound fling I think because she eventually realized how much I cared about her. She confessed that in that time period she slept with him and did things with him but he ended up missing his ex so he left her and then my girl came crying back to me. I often notice while we are away from each other we text have video calls on Facebook or talk on skype. She will go a few days being quiet cold and distant then then all of a sudden she makes me feel on top of the world. she says I make her feel good and happy. Sometimes you know when someone is being nice because they feel guilty of something if you know what I mean. I been cheated on at least 7 times in my past with a couple of past ex’s so I do get a little paranoid from time to time. I trust her and all but I guess I like a little bit of affection just to know the other is hanging on still just a simple I love you. I am worried because she always seems to come to me now when she is either sad or needs somebody I feel like maybe I am being used. Until her void is fulfilled by someone else.

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      Author

      Hi there, it sounds to me like you can put your finger exactly on what worries you. And I hate to say this, but it also sounds to me like you have good reason to be worried about these things. I don’t think you’re being totally paranoid. Have you tried talking to her about how the days of silence and then lots of warm contact gives you emotional whiplash and see whether she can commit to daily contact, even if it’s brief? All the best, Lisa

  80. I am in a long distance relationship for 4 months. We talk with each other on skype twice a week or once a week. He told me he will come to see me this November when we talked last time. It was 3 weeks ago. After that he didn’t talk or text on skype . I don’t have his phone number. He didn’t give me it although I asked it onetime. last week he was online for 5 min and he didn’t reply me. I love him a lot but I feel like he doesn’t care for me. All i want to know is it over between us ? please help me

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      Author

      It doesn’t sound good, I have to say. Three weeks is a long time, and you have to assume that if he wanted to be in touch with you during that time he would have. I’m sorry. I would assume it’s over if I were you. And, even if that’s not what he has in mind, do you really want to be with someone who would go three weeks without contacting you?

  81. hey! im in a relationship with a boy we’re not that far away but i’ve been having feelings that he may have ignored me on purpose . This started happening on the night he wont out for movies wit his friends even since then he has changed he olny talks to me late at night and sometimes dosen’t at all….im confused cause he’s statuses on his social media profiles all remain the same about us but the way he’s actiing is worrying me …. please help me

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  82. Hello, thanx so much for the advuce and I believe it has made an impact in me. I am fianced to a guy but we are countries apart. We talk online every blessed day. I have never doubted him for any reason but knowing who I am, I do trust my instincts so much. So this day, after talking with him as usual in the day, I requested to talk again before he goes to bed since we have different time zones. He kind of like hasitated that he might fall asleep before then. I didn’t insit but made him know I wasn’t so pleased with his excuse. So when I got to work, I tried calling but the fone rang for the first time and stopped withouwt him picking I insisted and he picked up. Since it was a video call, I could see images and I saw and image and a skin coulour that wasn’t him so I dropped. Called back a gain and he didn’t pick up for like hours, wrote to him and he didn’t respond then discovered he has switched off his fone. I think he is cheating on me and I need advise as to what to do.

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      Author

      Hi there, I wrote the book on cheating exactly for this situation, so jump on over to the Modern Love store and check that one out. There’s way more in that book than I can put in a comment right now. All the best as you try to figure out next steps.

  83. I’m 16 and I’m dating a 14 year old guy. I know a little weird but I’m happy with him. I live in Slovenia and he in England. I’m a little scared he might cheat on me again. He told me the day after he did. I gave him another chance. We always talk when we can. He always says good morning/night and is always the first one to say I love you. He always tries to cheer me up when I’m depressed. We don’t have much things incommon. Also I’m gonna visit him a couple of days before christmast and he seems happy abaut it.I’m happy with him but I just want to make sure that he isn’t cheating again.

  84. i have been dating this girl going on 4 months and it started off us living together we are both 17 and she stayed with me for 2 months because her mom and dad moved from oklahoma well i moved away to my grams and she has skyped me ever single day never missed a day but we have begun to fight alittle bit and she doesn’t have many friends there so i didn’t really worry but she is now moving back to Oklahoma and she knows a lot of people there and all the guys she knows hits on her and tries to get with her she said she has cheated before but she said she would never do it again we spent every day and every minute together for 2 months and haven’t missed one day without skyping but we argue a little and today she said she isn’t happy but she is happy i don’t understand what she means really but something alone the lines of i make her happy but she isn’t happy because of the arguing she has been hurt before and she is scared i am going to hurt her she said that she has fallen hard for me and want to back out because she is scared to fall in love and get hurt again…. she is the type that needs that physical support she needs someone to hold her kiss her hugs her but idk i’m scared she is going to need it to the point where she finds someone else to do it for her i just need some advice thanks

    i know this might not make much sense :/ i truly love her so some help would be great thank you

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      I don’t know if I have any help to offer, but I do have some thoughts. It sounds like you guys are not likely to be living in the same place again anytime soon, and you’re both very young. It also sounds like she wants and needs things from a relationship that are difficult or impossible to provide across distance. I know that this is hard to hear, but try not to let fear drive how you interact with her. Decide what you can and will offer (how much time on Skype, etc) and then do that. Realize that it might not work for her and there’s nothing you can do to prevent that from happening that way if it’s going to happen. All the best, Lisa

      1. Thank you you know after this we haven’t really argued and I told her how I felt she felt the same way you are honestly an awesome person. And I respect you for helping random people <3

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  85. Hi Lisa,
    Well i’ve been in a long distance relationship for over 2 months now. I’m from Colombia and he’s from England and well we were friends for over 6 months before we decided we wanted a long distance relationship and during this time he was with someone else and didn’t tell me. I already forgave him well we weren’t anything at the moment so why should i complain, right? Well ever since he has gone to Uni, our relationship is literally on the ground, its so bad, we’ve talked about breaking up like 3 times this week cause it’s all too much but there’s something that keeps gluing us back together and honestly i don’t know if he’s cheating on me or not, he has told me that quite a few girls have flirted with him whilst he was drunk but that he didn’t do anything with them. And sometimes he just stops replying for a long period of time and it puts me on edge to be honest. And i know it might sound stupid but he liked this girls picture on Instagram and well he was in it and that day he didnt reply at all and in the picture you could see him holding his phone.. so yeah and well the girls pretty so that obviously makes me more curious. I dont know what i should do, I talked to a friend about this and they told me to do what’s best for me but i honestly dont know what to do. Any advice?

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      First, definitely do what’s best for you–if you’re sure you know what that is. It doesn’t sound like you’re in an easy situation. You’re already on edge and suspicious, he has a history of not exactly being up front, and you’re looking at a long period of long distance. I’d start by trying to figure out what keeps drawing you back together even though you’re talking about breaking up. Is it mostly genuine love and wanting to be with the other person, or is it fear of the unknown and sadness over parting and not wanting to let go of all the good times you’ve had in the past?

  86. Hi Lisa,

    I (28 M) am not sure if my gf (30 F) is cheating on me but i have my doubts. We have been dating for 3 years now. We met in Grad school and she landed a job in a different time zone. Things have been manageable the first 6 months. We would make sure we talk everyday and do a video chat every other day. Now, she has changed her job (in her city) and there are no cell-phones allowed inside. So she cannot call me during work n she works till 8 PM which is my 11 PM. We have drifted apart recently and she keeps ignoring my messages and calls during weekends when she is out with her friends. She is gone for 3-4 hrs without noticing my messages/missed calls. When i met her this weekend I came to know that there is another guy who likes her!! when i asked her if she likes him too, her answer was “Not yet”. i am not sure what to do now. Not sure if she is doing this to grab my attention or she is really thinking about this Guy. I really love her and want things to work out between us.

    Thanks for reading.


    Kai

  87. Post
    Author

    Gosh, that last comment you made needs an answer that is WAY longer than the comment on a blog post. I don’t usually plug my own books in answers to comments, but it sounds like you could really benefit from reading the book I just released on cheating and how to approach a partner when you’re worried they might be cheating. It’s in the Modern Love shop (just click on the link at the top of the page to SHOP to find it in our store. Or, if you have a kindle, here it is on amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Important-Things-Suspect-Partner-Cheating-ebook/dp/B011BLQD02/.

  88. my fiance and i are living 8000+ miles away for almost 3 years he visits me and our son once every year. i am always worried he’s cheated on me before although we are very okay now, actualy he just came to see us (me and our son last June) but every now and then i still wonder if he ever cheated on me, i can track him via find my friends but im still always worried. i became very jealous of one of his office mates but theyre not working together now but they used to, before for 2 years. how can i move on and stop wondering about the past?by the way his office mate has a fiance but they are also LDR.

    1. by the way i suspected her because her brother was the first to be my fiance’s friend since he moved to florida, my fiancee became close to their family and she is also my fiance’s office mate but i feel there is some awkwardness between them, my fiance used to like her photos on facebook before but i told him not to, because i feel jealous or threatened. my gut feeling says that the girl is the one to have an attraction to my fiance.

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        1. yes i think its causing trouble because i got very paranoid until now. i dont want to ask him any more questions about that because we already talked about it numerous times and it was settled, but i was left paranoid. i dont know what to do because it’s very unhealthy and i dont want to drag him away by letting him feel that i dont trust him, he did everything to show me he’s trust worthy but i just cant let go of my thoughts. 🙁

          1. i doubted him so many times and he answered all my questions, even did shared his location to me. he always prove my thoughts wrong and i know he’s getting tired of my paranoia.

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  89. hello, actually am in along distance relationship with a boy,who actually says he loves me and says he wants to marry me he told to his friends abt me bt i dnt know wat happnd i feel we are being separated, he says he loves me wen we talk but when we chat he seems to be quite cold..wat shall i do??

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      Try telling him he seems distant, and ask him whether there’s anything he wants to talk about with you or tell you. Then let him know how he can make you feel more connected when you talk.

  90. Ive been in long distance relationship with my bf for 6 months now,he got a job in a different country while I’m back home working.just recently I notice he’s been different,before every time he just wants to talk when there’s a time available,its like his focus is just on me,he gets easily upset if I don’t pay that much attention on him but nowadays I feel he is not like this anymore like its ok for him if I dont call or talk that much,he spends more time with friends and gym and every time I confront him it results to an argument. This past few days I felt paranoid he is cheating because he did it before but he always assures me there is nothing going on,he is just there at house trying relax,he just want sometime for himself instead of talking nonstop like before, and he also told me since he have friends at his house he cannot just talk to me all the time coz they might think bad about him.its really making me sad because we have plans of getting married,we’ve been together for four yrs and I don’t even now if I’m just getting paranoid coz out of fear he might cheat again but I’m really getting so worried I just can’t stop thinking.

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      Gosh, it sounds like you’re really going through a hard time in your relationship. Do you have plans to see him soon? It sounds like you two need to have a serious conversation (or several serious conversations, since these things are rarely resolved in a single talk) where you each share your feelings about the dynamic that’s going on between you and talk about ways forward. It does sound like he is backing off and becoming more distant and it’s going to be hard for you to figure out whether he really does just need some space for a while or whether there’s a more concerning drift happening. I’d advise you to talk these things over face to face as soon as you can and start by inviting him to talk about how he’s found long distance for him.

  91. so me and my gf have been dating for almost 10 months and she recently when off to college witch is 3 hours away and my car can’t make it out there to see her and we don’t talk as much as we used to when she was here she still says I love you and we call each other daily or try to but idk if she’s losing intrest in me please help

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      It’s hard to offer any sensible help with a three line description of your situation, but why don’t you start by telling her exactly how you’re feeling. Admit that you don’t want to lose her, and that you’re finding long distance difficult, and ask her for her thoughts on how you two can make the distance easier or set communication patterns that help both of you feel connected and secure.

  92. Hi, I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 5 months now and we’re really happy together, but I used a different in name in my online profile and I never got round to telling her. I feel really bad for abusing her trust and am not sure how to tell her and how badly sh’ell take it. We should be meeting up within the next two months, would it be better to tell her in person or as soon as possible

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      I’d probably tell her as soon as possible. Make sure to explain WHY you used a different name, and why you’re telling her now (you trust her, you don’t want to keep secrets, and you didn’t want to wait until you meet because you want that time to be about other things not getting secrets out of the way). If she can’t handle it then she may not be the one for you long term anyway.

  93. What if your partner is sleeping with prostitutes. This wouldn’t really change there schedule much because let’s be honest, there in and out probably within half an hour and could be adding this to there work time.
    I’m finding my partner just doesn’t seem at all interested sexually (I’ve got a good body so defiantly not the physical aspect). He will say he is interested but that’s all, no ummmm “adult time” over webcam which in previous times we’ve done long distance he has been really into to. It’s been almost a year long distance now, the longest we’ve ever done this and he does have a history of using paid webcam girls and lying about it.
    I know something is up but he won’t communicate with me and says nothing is wrong, so what do I do in this situation???

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      Have you tried asking him specifically about the lack of adult webcam time in a non-threatening manner. Something like, “we’re not…. anymore, and we used to do this all the time. You don’t seem interested in that anymore and I’d like to talk about why things have changed between us in this way?”

  94. Hey i am in a long distance relationship and i think he is cheating on me.i love him so much and i cant live without him what should i do.usually he is not interested in talking with me.we cannot talk everyday we both r busy in jobs.we talk very often once in a week but i feel like he is not interested but he says he love me what should i do i am not getting a way pls suggest me

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  95. Hey, I’m Kaley and I’m 15 years old. My boyfriend is 18 years old and we been together for 10 months, 11 soon.. but I’ve had gut feelings that he is cheating. Sure, he says I love you, tells me that he doesn’t and will never do it. But somehow, that just sounds fake. I seen pictures in the Recently deleted album of his phone that he sent which held naked females. I broke up with him but now, I’m back with him and continuing our relationship since he told me, ‘those might have been my brothers, his iPhone is connected to my iCloud.’ I believed him because why would he try so hard to stay with me. But now, I can’t handle these feelings anymore. Its causing me suicidal thoughts, depression and stress. I feel like leaving him but I can’t because I really do love him. I tell him I feel these ways but all he does is say, “I love you and only you, how long will it take for you to realize that?” then I ask again, “I’m not going to stress about it, if you want to think that I am, go ahead because its not happening and wouldn’t.” It just seems like lies. I can’t see him on camera anymore, I can only text him after he’s finished work and school (attending college). I need your help.

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      Oh, honey… Sorry that you’re in this hard situation and that your head and your heart are telling you to go in two different directions (go and stay). You know what? I’d listen to your head this time. I know you love him, but it doesn’t sound like he’s good for you at all. Please have a good long talk to your parents or another adult that you trust about this, and then I recommend you break it off. But do talk to some adults in your life, OK? They can help support you during this really difficult period. Don’t do it alone.

  96. Hiii im chockz, i have a girlfriend she lives like 500 kilometers away from me, we’ve been dating for four months now, and she always tell me that she loves me, but i havent said anything yet, only told her once that i like her, so she feels like shes the only one putting an effort into our relationship, and i told her im not yet ready to say i love her, because you know once you open the cage of love, then you get false commitments often…so i dont know what else to do to make her undersrand what im saying

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  97. I’ve been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months now and we talk for most days of the week but all of a sudden he told me that his life is getting busier and we cant talk as much but at times i can see hes on skype although he rarely talks to me and he always say “i love u” before he hang up the call but recently he doesnt anymore and i felt like hes lying to me because he seems kind of shady and i dont know what to do.

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      That sounds confusing, and painful. Have you asked him directly what might be going on? Perhaps try something like, “I’ve felt lately like there’s an extra distance growing between us. You don’t seem as interested in me or this relationship anymore. How are you feeling about us?” I know saying something like that can be super scary, but it doesn’t sound like you have much to loose to me.

  98. Hey im jen and i’m 15 aha (young i know) and my boyfriend is 19 (woah big age gap, its just a number right?) i live in england whilst he lives in Scotland.. I keep having thoughts of him cheating on me. He randomly leaves during a conversation which makes me worry and takes forever to answer a text i message to him nearly hours before.
    he does have a female friend who he sometimes talks about, but i dont think theres anything happening between them. He sometimes talks for a while at night, but then leaves and rarely says goodnight. He does however say good morning Oh yes and i know this sounds stupid aha but we have been going out for nearly 2 weeks (take the mick if you need to).
    Also, ive been wanting to skype him, but hes reluctant and says ‘i’ll get a webcam as soon as i can’. he does already have skype because i checked. he says he promises to come down at christmas for a week to spend some time with me which i thought was quite nice, but i have a feeling he’ll change his mind or come up with an excuse? anyone have any ideas?

    Also, i have asked if he honestly loves me and if hes cheating. he has answered with ‘ive told you i love you so many times, i dont know how long it will take you to believe me’, followed with a ‘:/’
    i then asked him again a few days before. this time he said ‘think whatever you want, ive already told you how much i love you, its upto you whether you want to believe that or not’ which made him a little annoyed
    also, i have asked if he honestly loves me and if hes cheating. he has answered with ‘ive told you i love you so many times, i dont know how long it will take you to believe me’, followed with a ‘:/’
    i then asked him again a few days before. this time he said ‘think whatever you want, ive already told you how much i love you, its upto you whether you want to believe that or not’ which made him a little annoyed

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      Oh, Jen. I’m not going to take the mick, so to speak. But I do have a couple of things to share with you. First, if you’ve only been going out two weeks and you’ve never met yet, then it’s a bit early for “I love you” don’t you think? Secondly, go and have a look at this post on jealousy, there might be some helpful tips in there for you. http://www.modernlovelongdistance.com/stop-feeling-jealous-long-distance-relationship/ And, third, Christmas is six months away, so just focus on chatting and getting to know each other for now, K?

      1. Oh mon Dieu!! why is Lisa keeping this from Jen? firstly i have to appologize for the bad english am about to write here lol…. i hardly respond on stuff like this but what Jen explained is so much,wide and clear that, that fucking guy is cheating on her or better still wanting to end it or no more interested or something!! i can’t even call that LIKE!! i can’t even do such to my ENERMY talkless to the one am claiming to LIKE(am not using love here,their relatiosnship is just two weeks old) i once had a guy like that,an animal guy for that matter. we lived few kms(same country) away from each other… we could hardly see cause i was studying and had this training i was into but i always create time for him.i was 18 by then! he sucks,he really was!i tried to be that chap who’s always like “nah maybe he just want some time to himself”(as if i was even exhausting much of his time)!! with his behaviors(likely to what Jen stated),one could just see the handwritting clear and boldly written on the blackboard! i was like “hey i think i need to dump this tramp before he dumps me,if not am gonna cry harder if does first ” lol.i bet that’s how i got rid of him.not as if i didn’t love him but it was too much and i likely don’t mix issues like that with my PERSONNAL happiness.though he was “one of my happiness” i must confess it was one my toughest mission at that age trying to forget about him.it really wasn’t that easy,it was like trying to cross a river without a canoe!i must confess that,that didn’t hurt me for long,cause i had a lot of stuff to deal with rather having sleepless night on someone who’s even snoring at the other end! i had my books to read…intensive reading,football matches to watch,groups of exposés,and off all my training on air transport.merde,i was fucking busy not to even remember someone like him ever existed!! he might think i never loved him because of the way i cut it off!i cut it of with anger.lol that was not the case.he was one of the best person in my life that time.

        Some years later i met this cutie guy online from Finlande the very first day i subccribed on that site.am 23yrs going on 24yrs and he’s 26yrs going on 27yrs…. we didn’t waste a minute to get it started like knowing each other….we’re living in two différent continents, but we didn’t care and we don’t care…i don’t see that as a hindrance…we got our plans though,slowly but surely. we’re going so well that i think the devil might be even jealous of it now hahaha…. not as if we’re the perfect couple in the world though but in God,we trust!! honestly he’s just …just..just so wow.can’t explain…

        Jen,try to listen to your heart and not your mind,you are still young,just like me,we have to be very careful and vigilant in the way we take things.if he’s really yours,i bet he might become the “perfect” guy u ever wanted,he’s still young too.communication and understanding is good in this kind of relationships.listen to him while he speaks and also make sure he listen to u while u speak,if he doesn’t or if he can’t listen,sister,run for your dear life. they always forget that, us women like to see their eardrums when we speak.life is so beautiful ahead of you… have a nice time.chao

    2. Hi Jen! So I read your story and I have one thing I’d like to point out. Now, I have a long distance relationship as well, but my Fiancee (yes, we’re now engaged c:) and I only live an hour away and we see each other about once or twice a month. Now, I guarantee you met this guy online just like I met my fiancee online, so here’s my tip for you; when you meet someone and decide you’d like to date them; always always ALWAYS video chat with them to make sure that person is who you think they are. I’ve already been cat fished and lied to, and I’m giving you this advice to help you so you don’t make the same mistakes I did when I was around your age. You don’t know the guy or even girl you’re talking to is really the guy they claimed to be nor can they look like or be the age of the person they claim to be. The person could possibly be 40 and you wouldn’t know it. Young love can definitely blind people, but at however old your relationship is now, if you haven’t seen him HE’S PROBABLY A CAT FISH. So I suggest if he doesn’t have that webcam yet, that you tell him he needs to get one. This goes out to every one of you guys in long distance relationships as well; if you haven’t seen him/her after about a month, then tell him/her that he/she needs to get a webcam. Do research on the pictures he/she’s posted (aka reverse google search). Always always ALWAYS be suspicious if they refuse to show themselves and make excuses about why they can’t.

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      2. Alli
        You commented that you and your love only lives an hour away, and you only see each other, once or twice a month…..WTH.
        and you are ok with that……
        I would be maddening over that less of a time, an only an hour away.
        I will say, check ur self, or check him. Just saying……

    3. Hey, it’s so weird because I am 15 too and he is 19 aswell!! Haha, so I guess the age thing is the same with us and I know how that feels, it’s difficult.
      I’m here because my boyfriend seems to have extremely strict parents. Treating him like a child. They take away his phone on weekdays at 9:30 my time (10:30 his) I know for a fact they are strict and horrible people because I have messaged them myself. But sometimes I do wonder about things, for example, currently, he’s been given a paper with his grades on, his parents weren’t proud lets just say and have taken his phone, this has happened before.
      Sometimes I think there’s just little things that don’t add up. We’ve been together for almost 8 months now as opposed to 2 and he still hasn’t visited me. I know how difficult that can be. I think maybe by keep asking your boyfriend questions like “would you cheat on me?” Or “how much do you love me?” Is fairly pointless because you know that he’s just going to tell you what you want to hear.
      Maybe you should allow him a tiny bit of space to clear his head, he could just want to take things slowly. If he already has Skype then that doesn’t necessarily mean that he also has a webcam. If his phone has a front camera then it’s not needed to get a web cam for a computer. My boyfriend video calls me on Skype often using his phone.
      An idea that you could use, which I have done (it was after about 6 weeks together that I asked) is to ask for his Skype password. I have my boyfriends Skype password, he simply said “of course, I have nothing to hide” and gave it me. You could try this for “peace of mind” it’s very difficult to plan everything to come over to another country, imagine if you were him and it was you that had to visit. Don’t make any promises about him coming over (we made this mistake before realising that it wasn’t possible) if he disappears during the night it may just be that he got tired and fell asleep, this has happened to me before.
      Maybe you could try to send a text saying that you’re tired and to speak in the morning saying goodnight to him. He might get the idea then. If he talks about this female friend then there probably isn’t anything going on there, because if he’s happy to talk about her and he’s not being secretive about her then she’s more than likely just a friend.
      I think that you sound very insecure and maybe need to allow your boyfriend some space and some trust, trust is the most important thing in a long distance relationship in my eyes. If you don’t trust him, then save yourself the worry and slowly learn to accept it and leave him. Easier said than done I know. My boyfriend also sometimes leaves during conversation and the time texting thing happened with us too. He may have a perfectly reasonable response for why he disappeared and that’s okay, take his word for it. I think you need to trust him more than you do.
      On the other hand, he may be having troubles with his feelings himself. He could think that you won’t allow him room to breathe, that you won’t trust him or accept that he loves you, that you worry too much. It’s only been 2 weeks for you two, I remember when it was like that for us and we were in an almost similar phase. Chances are, things will get better and you’ll feel more comfortable with one another. Long distance is a very complicated thing and no one will truly know what it’s like to be in your place, your relationship. I hope that I have helped you in some way and that my advice can be useful. Good luck to the both of you and remember to stay safe (I’m talking about pics and if he comes to visit) people can be very naive. I appreciate what you’re going through and I hope that it works out, I really do.
      From another long distance relationship person, good luck! 😉 🙂

    4. this same thing is going on with me. I have no idea how to even ask him. i’ve caught him once but i feel like it’s happening again.

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    Gosh, this sounds like you’re in a very complicated situation. In just about three weeks my next book is coming out, and it’s focusing on answering questions exactly like this. I’ll send you a free advance readers copy. I think it might help you think through some of these questions.

    1. Hi guzy ma name is milli live in mpuamalanga ma boyfriend at school neh have been chearting on me bt dd nt want to distap him wth his galfriend mabye bt thn my question is hw can i ask him that he loves me or nt

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