Reunion nerves

5 Tips For Dealing With Reunion Nerves In A Long Distance Relationship

Lisa McKay Advice 52 Comments

Finally, it’s that time again – reunion time! The next long-awaited visit with your long distance love has arrived! It’s been weeks, maybe months, since you last saw each other. They’re arriving tonight on the 7pm flight … and you’re nervous.

Do you get anxious and tense before reuniting with your long-distance partner? Even if you’ve been dating for ages? Even if you’re married?

During the first few years of my relationship with my husband, Mike, he spent about half his time traveling to different countries for work. He was often away for a month at a time. Sometimes more.

Whenever he was due back, I always started to get wound up about the reunion a couple of days before his arrival. The combination of nerves and excitement usually meant I didn’t sleep well the night before his flight. Driving to the airport to pick him up, my heart would beat faster than normal. While I was standing in the airport and waiting for him to come through the arrivals gate, time would slow down.

Source: FreeDigitalPhotos.net (Stuart Miles)In the arrivals lounge of the airport, I used to keep one eye on the gate and one eye on all the stories unfolding around me. Have you ever noticed how people who are picking someone up at the airport are usually happy and excited? They bring balloons and flowers. Little kids squeal with excitement when they see their parents approaching. There is a lot of hugging and kissing.

During those periods of waiting for Mike to step through the gate I’d feel suspended between two different existences–the life I lived alone and the life we lived together. In those pauses–balanced on the precipice of happiness–I felt intensely alive. I was extra-aware of colors, noises, the taste of the coffee I sipped, my own breathing.

In those moments I used to think about stories and what was truly important in life. I felt overwhelmed by how fortunate I was. But, often, I also caught myself fretting and feeling anxious.

I’d find myself worrying that Mike would have changed–that I’d look at him across the dinner table that night and wonder if I knew him at all. I’d worry that we would struggle to find things to talk about while we were driving home. I’d worry that he’d do a double take after hugging me hello and suddenly find himself wondering what on earth he was doing with me.

Few of the worries I entertained during those nervous hours waiting for Mike to emerge in the airport ever came to pass, but I often continued to feel anxious before a long distance reunion long after we were married.

In fact, it wasn’t until the reunion just before the birth of our second child, that I noticed the nerves were finally gone. We’d been separated for 14 weeks and I didn’t feel nervous about reconnecting at all. We were six years into our relationship by then, so maybe I had just had so much practice at separating and reuniting with him that silly worries just seemed more… silly.

Or maybe I was more than 38 weeks and a gazillion years pregnant, the size of a well-fed Shetland pony, and I was so desperate for him to arrive and help care for our energetic toddler that there was no room for nerves.

Maybe a bit of both.

5 Tips To Calm Reunion Nerves

If you tend to feel anxious before reuniting with your long distance love, here are some tips that might help calm your nerves:

1. Tell yourself you’re excited, not nervous

Remember that the way your body responds to excitement is pretty much the same way it responds to fear–with adrenaline. That adrenaline causes your heart beats faster, your breathing speeds up, your palms get sweaty etc. Because the reactions caused by  excitement and fear are so similar, whether we feel exhilarated or afraid is often due to the way we are thinking about our situation and interpreting our body’s cues of arousal. In this case, labels matter! While you’re playing the waiting game, remind yourself that you’re excited, not afraid.

2. Take a deep breath

Once our heart rate exceeds a certain level (about 10% above our resting rate) we get “flooded.” Adrenaline and other stress chemicals that pour into our system and make it difficult to think calmly and focus. The higher our heart rate, the more stressed and anxious we will feel. Breathing deeply and slowly sends a “calm down” message to our bodies and helps reverse the stress response.

3. Plan ahead

If you’re afraid of awkward silences, think about a couple of questions you want to ask or things you want to discuss with your partner. Plan what you’re going to do together that first night–maybe go out to a favorite restaurant or do something else fun and relaxing. Having a plan in place (even if you don’t end up doing that) will help you feel more in control and relaxed.

401 questions for couples vertical add

4. Remind yourself why you love them

Think about all the good things you love about him or her, and what they have told you they love about you. Think about your last conversation. Remind yourself that it is unlikely that their feelings about you (or yours about them) will have undergone a radical shift during their journey, no matter how bad that flight was. Recognize your worried thoughts for what they are–don’t try to ignore them or pretend you’re not feeling jittery. But don’t let those thoughts run amok in your mind, either. Acknowledge them, accept that they’re there, and then talk back to them by focusing on thoughts and memories that counteract those worries.

5. Come clean

Tell your partner how you’re feeling, and laugh about it with them if you can. He or she may not feel the same way–Mike always said he never got nervous about seeing me again, just excited–but it will help them to know why you might seem a little jittery and on-edge.

How do you feel before a reunion? What sort of things do you find yourself thinking about?
If you get nervous, what helps?

Dealing with reunion nerves tips

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Comments 52

  1. I met my boyfriend in 9th grade and we clicked almost automatically but he had to leave the country( in the middle of the year),so i knew him for only 6 months. I didn’t realize I liked him until the day he had to leave(unfortunately )…A few days after he left, we started texting again.He finally asked me to be his girlfriend earlier this Jan.After the ‘honey-moon period’ was over, I kind of felt him drift away.With lesser calls,less texting. My friends keep telling me on how the distance is not going to work and about how he isn’t exactly the best guy for me,but I can’t help but love him. None of my friends are being supportive at this moment. I don’t want him to forget me or probably cheat on me. I keep remembering old memories and keep waiting for a better ‘tomorrow’. Every time we text I’m elated and feel like I’m on cloud9. I feel like I’m the only one working on our relationship:/
    P.S IDK why but I’ve started reading some of these really sad quotes which is making me all-the-more sad.That stuff is addicting.

  2. Hi Lisa,
    Im from Vietnam. And Im in a distance relationship for almost 5 months now. He is French. We met in Mar.2017 during his vacation in my city through friends. It was amazing 3 weeks together. The day we aparted, we decided to meet again on 2.Jul in France and we will be back to Vietnam together on 22. We talked everyday since we aparted. I spent 2 months to prepare for my visa to Europe. I got visa refuse at the beginning of Jun (1 month before my flight). We talked and decided to have holiday together in Vietnam when he comes back. Then I tried to talk with the consulate to get my visa accepted. I booked flight to apply my passport again. He was happy to know that. But the night before my flight, he told me to stay in Vietnam and wait for him. He felt stressed with moving and close out his life in France (family, work). And we started stopping talking. Almost a month already, we didnt talk anymore. Just few words on and off. So far I know he still comes to Vietnam on 22 as planned. I don’t know if we meet again. And just dont know how I should do in this situation. I feel nervous and hardly to focus on anything.
    The distance is so hard when couple has issue and one closed to discuss about that.

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      Hi Linh, that sounds really hard. It also sounds like he’s not being very open with you. I don’t think you have a lot to loose by contacting him and letting him know how you feel and asking what he’s thinking and feeling and where you stand. All the best.

  3. I just came from my one-month vacation .And I just want to share my experience of seeing my boyfriend again after a year and 3 months. When I came back to our place, everything was like a dream and I don’t feel like happy nor sad of the idea of going home as well as seeing him. The feeling is like normal when I saw him. I think I’m happy (yeah I think so) but the emotion is quite normal. During my vacation we hang out a lot but it feels like different compared before. We are in a relationship for 3 years. I know I love him and I really do but It feels weird being with him. Now I’m back to my work and I miss him a lot. :(((((

  4. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years and we only see each maybe three or four times a year. I still get butterflies when we see each other. I even get them when we text or call. Every time we are together he says I love you so much and he sees no other girl but me. I think our relationship is stronger than the distance between us.

  5. Let me share my story with you. I am also in a relatively fruitful long distance relationship. I am Hungarian, she is Indonesian. 12000 kilometres separate us. We have met in real three times during this slightly more than 3 years we have been dating. We got to know each other when I was working in AIESEC, I had to interview her. I first met her in February 2013 in Budapest, then again in July (in Jakarta), same year, then we became a couple in August. We dreamt about each other plenty of times before my first journey to Indonesia. I dreamt that I was sailing with her and kissing her on her lips. She asked me in August, sitting beside me: “Do you want your dream come true?” I said yes. She kissed me on my lips. This began our relationship. We kissed each other some other times as well later. Then we were in the LDR syndrome. I missed her all weeks, years long. Then last year (2016) I went to Indonesia again, with definite purposes. She had shown me how their colleagues express love to their boyfriends or girlfriends. They made many cute things (unheard-of in my country; nowadays people do not care about their other half), such as writing their names in the sand et cetera. She also sent me her shoes she wanted to wear on our romantic dinner. Then I thought she really loves me so much. I decided that some time I have to ask her. Rather, propose to her. We had lots of cultural clashes with each other, but we always could make peace. We had a great time together. We had our 3rd year anniversary in August, we celebrated it together with a cake and a luwak coffee. She bought me some luwak coffee! I said now I will really propose to her. I learnt how to cherish our moments. On my last day, in front of her parents, I made the decision. I asked her the question. Everyone said YES.

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  6. I have been talking to a guy for about three years and he’s my high school sweetheart. I haven’t seen him in almost a year because every time we made plans I either had work or just scared myself. We both love each other and know how amazing it is when we are together. But my self consciousness makes me scared that when I see him I won’t be as attractive to him anymore . I don’t know how to feel about it. We want to work an actual relationship but I wanted to wait till summer so we can see each other more and he wants me to stay with him and vice versa on weekends.

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  7. I am SO glad I found your website, I am actually waiting for my plane to go see my husband who I haven’t seen in almost a year. I have been feeling exactly how you described and I know it is excitement but it started feeling like fear. Now I am able to refocus on being excited. I have been looking all over for good long distance relationship help, but I hadn’t found any until now. Just wanted to say THANK YOU!

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  8. Hi Lisa. Thank you very much for penning this article. At first, I thought I wouldn’t be able to find any article regarding this topic, since it seems unusual to be seeking advice about a foreseen happy experience such as a reunion with the one you love. I am relieved to know that there are other people experiencing the same feeling as I.

    I would just like to ask your advice regarding my situation. My long-term boyfriend (running 7 years) and I have been in a long-distance relationship for 3 years now, and he is coming home in a month’s time. I am quite nervous since 3 years is a long time, and maybe we won’t pick up where we left off. I mean, the “spark” may be gone, or either one of us won’t feel the same way for each other anymore. Also, he had an episode of unfaithfulness; he had an online girlfriend just recently. He says he is choosing me though, and he is not making plans with the other girl. I do not want to pressure him by having “the talk” when he gets back, but I can’t help but be anxious. How do I deal with this situation? Can you give me some advice?

    Thank you very much and God bless.

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      Hi, Anna. I can totally understand you being nervous as well as feeling excited and happy. They can all exist together in one, big, uncomfortable knot in our stomach, can’t they? If you are still sure you want to be in relationship with this guy (or at least make a good faith effort and see how things go) I’d say you do need to have “the talk” soon after his return. But try to relax about this. If you’re processing the big change and spending some time talking honestly this new re-adjustement process, and what the last three years are like, how you’ve grown and changed in the last couple of years, etc) then this part of the talk will happen naturally. I’m not saying it’ll be “comfortable” but it should be discussed so that both of you can understand more about what happened and what hopes and plans are from here on out. So while I wouldn’t say you should broach the topic on the drive home from the airport, I’d be a bit concerned if you hadn’t discussed it at some level within two weeks of him coming back. Hope it goes well.

  9. I have a question for you, Lisa. I promise it will correlate with the point of your article.

    Me and my guy have been talking for 5 months. We met each other years ago in college, but never got to know each other. Now, at almost 30, we’ve connected and developed a cross-country LDR. Our first trip had been discussed for months–dates reserved and everything. We had a few set backs and only finalized the trip two days before. We split the ticket.

    I had a horrible feeling in my gut before he arrived; the same one many of your commenters described. But when he got here, it was replaced with excitement. We had a wonderful first day. It was almost perfect. We had already agreed (months before) that he would spend a few hours (without me) with his boys watching the game on one of the nights. HE is the one that stressed that it would only be a few hours. I was fine with it. The rest of the trip would include the two of us together.

    Long story short, a few hours turned into TEN. AND, he ended up splitting his time between me and his friends throughout the course of the four-day trip. He proceeded to get upset with me for being frustrated at the situation. He couldn’t understand my side. The trip ended horribly, with him saying he needed a few days to “cool off” but that he still wanted us to talk. He still sees a future in us.

    MY QUESTION IS: Does “cold feet” appear in different forms? Like maybe, self sabotage? We communicate (and settle disputes) so well with the distance. The man who spent the weekend with me behaved completely different from the man I’ve come to know. Our mutual friends are equally confused.

    Ultimately, it may not be the right situation for me. But if there is a possibility that nerves played a role in this unfortunate trip, I’d love to know.

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      Oh, Nicci. How frustrating, and confusing. It’s possible, yes, that he was nervous and it played out by him acting more distant than you’d expected. It’s also possible that once he’d spent time with the boys that night he felt genuinely caught between two areas of his life he cares a great deal about (you and his friends) and just didn’t handle that tension at all gracefully. Given what you described I say it’s definitely worth continuing to talk, and trying to talk this through and work on understanding each other’s point of view. However, I would also say this is an important data point in your “map” of who is he and what he’s like, and stay alert to the possibility that he is quite different in important ways in person and across distance–ways that will be difficult for you to cope with over time. All the best.

  10. Hi Lisa,

    Thank you so much for this article. It makes me feel as though my feelings aren’t as abnormal or crazy. I am seeing my boyfriend for two weeks at the end of this month after being separated for five months and I am feeling such a whirlwind of emotions. I mostly feel nervous instead of excited about seeing him again, which makes me feel horribly guilty, because I feel a constant pressure from practically everyone I know to be EXCITED about his brief return. Truthfully, I feel very anxious about whether we will connect in the same way or whether our relationship will be return to the way it was before the separation. Sometimes I wonder if seeing him again will ignite the trauma that him leaving caused me. Can you relate to this at all? Before the distance, our relationship was one of ease, comfort, and true joy. I never felt any doubt our relationship whatsoever before we were long distance. I’m wondering–do you think long distance can breed doubt in a relationship? All of a sudden, I doubt our connection and our bond.

    Both of us have reacted very differently to the stress of a long distance relationship (he acts more clingy and emotional, I act more detached). Does this usually happen? Does one partner react to the stress of separation by over compensating and acting super clingy, while the other person remains more detached? I think for me, I act detached in order to cope with the separation.

    I also believe I am nervous about our upcoming reunion because I am trying to protect myself from what is sure to be a very emotional, intense period. I am so sick of feeling so many emotions! I can’t wait for our relationship to return back to its normal, relaxed state. I realize that for now, I have to accept that it might not be back to its fully normal state until he returns home for good.

    Anyway, any further insight you might have would be so greatly appreciated! Thanks again for this website, it has helped me tremendously.

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      What a thoughtful, heartfelt comment! It really needs a whole post to reply properly, and I might write more on this in the future, but in short… yes. I do identify. And, yes, I think long distance can breed doubt. That’s not always a bad thing, although I know it feels incredibly uncomfortable. Long distance creates more space between you in more ways than one, and that space helps (sometimes forces) you to look at your relationship and patterns that have formed and how you act and interact with fresh eyes and from new angles. In the long run, this can make you stronger. In your case it sounds like you loved the way your relationship was, and distance has forced all sorts of new patterns that you don’t like as much and don’t find nearly as comfortable, and that sort of shift is hard. It doesn’t signal that your relationship is in trouble, but it does mean it’s growing, for better or for worse.

      I must run, because kids are screaming for breakfast, etc. But on your other point, the answer is also yes. This dynamic is not uncommon. Relationships are dances, balancing act, and when things shift dramatically it causes us to act and react differently. The dynamic you described is similar (though not identical) to the pursuit-retreat dynamic. I have it on my list to write about that in the next month or so, so keep your eyes open for that.

      Hang in there. It’s great that you recognize what’s happening in yourself and in your dynamic. Try to ride the waves as they come, and nudge yourself to work past the detachment when you can. And do come back and let us know how the reunion goes.

      1. Hi Lisa!

        As an update:

        The reunion was, as expected, a whirlwind of emotions. Some days, I felt relaxed and happy, other days, I was very much aware of the fact that he would be leaving again and I noticed myself putting up a wall and creating distance between us. I wonder if you or your readers can relate to this. As soon as it dawned on me that he would be leaving again, perhaps as a defense mechanism and a way to protect myself against feeling the extreme trauma his initial absence created for me, I noticed myself detaching. I don’t particularly like this quality about myself, but I also know it is a good thing, in a sense–it is the psyche’s way of keeping one safe.

        I am so utterly fatigued by this long distance relationship and I rarely allow myself to even miss my partner, because the feeling of longing is too painful and distracting. Sometimes I feel so burdened by this long distance relationship, but I choose to stick it out because I attach myself to how we were BEFORE the distance, how great and special our bond was. I use how we were before as a way to anchor myself. I wonder if you or the readers can relate to this, too.

        It seems so much harder for the person who has been left behind (me) than the person who does the leaving. Often I am filled with resentment and anger, even though the distance isn’t something he has done to hurt me, necessarily. It was something that was decided long before we became a couple. On some level, because the distance has been so traumatic for our relationship, at times I associate him with that trauma, as opposed to all the wonderful times we have had together.

        Any light you could shed on this would be so appreciated. Thank you again!

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          I remember early on in my relationship with my husband, a friend hung out with us three days before we were to say goodbye, and she remarked that we were already mourning the departure. It caught me by surprise when she said it, but she was right. So I don’t think you’re alone in that regard. Does your distance have an end-point in sight?

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            GREAT!! In that case, I say hang in there and just focus on the end point. Then hang in there during the first reunion months, and take stock of where you are 3-4 months AFTER he gets back.

  11. Hi Lisa, my boyfriend and I meet in our holidays by the end of the year (December 30) We meet in a bar and have breakfast the day before. The chemistry was immediately, that day I was supposed to take a plane to another country with my friends to new years eve. He came with me to the airport and beg me to stay with him… At the end I jumped out of that plane and stayed with him my whole holiday. Was the best 2 weeks of my life. We decided to stay together and made all this great plans, of me moving with him and starting a life together, we been together all this time with a 17 hours time difference between us! 3 months later he is here in my country for my birthday and to take me with him. But the thing is that after 3 days together he just left saying he doesn’t love me anymore. 2 weeks before he flight here a friend of him just filled his head with doubt and fears and he actually had a panic attack. But the day before he arrived here all he said to me was how much he loved me and missed me. I don’t understand what happened he left just saying he doesn’t love me anymore and there’s no chemistry between us, that he doesn’t want to even touch me. That really hurts me because I love him to death and I quit my job my life to everything to be with him for the love I have for him. I’m broken and I don’t know what to do!? He still in my country and I don’t want to lose him.

  12. Hie Lisa,

    I had been in a long distance relation for almost 6months, as we both are from two different countries(from IN and USA). So this weekend i’m going to meet my girlfriend for the first time. I’m really confused and afraid like how to respond, i really want to make this relation work.

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      Hi there, hope your first meeting goes well. Try to relax, and to put her at ease. Remember to give each other time to get through the “Weird zone” that comes when you meet someone for the first time. Give her plenty of space and don’t try to rush anything. Hope it goes well.

  13. Hi. I’m reuniting with my first love after 8 years. But we have known each other since we were 14. We are now In out early 30s. He’s the love of my life and we have been in a long distance relationship for the past 7 months now. I’m very nervous and excited all at the same time. We have always loved each other despite being separated for such a long time. By the grace of God we managed to come back to each other. I hope I don’t get too nervous to the point where I look silly. Please help me.

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      Hi Cayla, OH!! The nerves! I know them well. I’m sure you won’t look silly. But it won’t hurt to tell him that you’re feeling all nervous and excited all at once. I told my now husband to expect a weird zone when we reunited, and not to panic, because it would wear off. Hope it goes great!

  14. So me and my S/O dated for a while, then he went back to his home country and we are reuniting again for the first time in two days, and I am feeling the worst anxiety I’ve ever felt. I love him, but I’m terrified that we will reunite and feel that awful “What the fuck are we doing?” feeling. Also I have been feeling insanely insecure. Is this normal? I suddenly am questioning everything, like why he even liked me in the first place, and what does he see in me? I feel like being in an LDR causes people to create this perfect image of the other person, and all these perfect visions of things that will happen when we reunite, like in movies, and I don’t think it could live up to that. I am nervous that he will have doubts about our relationship. We have invested so much time and effort and commitment into this, I don’t even know how you just stop doing that. Anyway, I’m just feeling way too nervous and insecure about myself. Is this normal?

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      Sounds normal to me. Of course, my SO when I felt this way (my now-husband) would just have looked at me blankly and said “what on EARTH are you talking about”. So I think normal is relative. But if it’s any consolation I was much more like you than I was like him. Take some deep breaths and hang in there. You’ll come out of this reunion knowing more one way or another, and that’s always a good thing in the long run. Hope it goes well.

  15. Hey Lisa….been in a LDR for 7 months. Brazil to US and 6k miles apart. In the middle of our longest stint apart (3 months). Supposed to be meeting in 3 weeks in Miami. Via Skype this week she blindsides me with news that she doesn’t know if we should meet now. Everything is booked and non-refundable. Her biggest fear is a road trip straight to Key West upon arrival in Miami. We’re both new at this, but she told me she thought it would we weird go on a big trip after not seeing each other for months. I can see her viewpoint. We’re good communicates for the most part but I can’t just cancel Key West because it’s paid for. Thoughts on how to proceed? I still want her there with me. Thanks!

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      Gosh, that’s a tough one. I’d reassure her that you want to go ahead and tell her that if things get weird or go downhill upon meeting up you can always re-route then. That might take some of the pressure off. Hopefully you won’t need to re-route of course, but I’d make it as easy as possible for her to follow through with meeting up and then take it from there. Hows it all going with deciding what to do?

  16. me and my best friend and wife have been married for nearly 14 years. For 6 of those years she followed me for my career, now I am following her for the past 5 years. But she is a wildlife biologist, so she works in the field for 4 to 5 months at a time. In the past 12 months I have seen my wife 3 months. She just got back from Africa, and it’s hard to reset. I am so use to being alone and just living differently. Same for her as well. We both love each other very much, but minor and major things are tough to cope with. I moved over 4000 miles to be with her, then she had to leave 3 months later for Africa. So a South Eastern United States citizen living alone in Canada, and not knowing anyone, has be very testing, and so as her adventure of living in Africa for 4 months not knowing anyone. I wish there was more advice on how to reconnect after such a long separation. I have 4 months before she leaves again….and I don’t want to waste the time on trying to fix the distance issues.

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      Ugh… It is SO hard to balance careers and relationship it today’s uber-mobile world, isn’t it? And the situation you describe is quite common. It’s a bit dangerous, too, because couples tend to think that their relationship is so strong after so long together and that they can handle distance so well that they don’t recognize when the slow drift (some degree of which is almost inevitable with long stints apart) crosses from “frustrating” and into “dangerous” territory. I’ll put it on my list of things to think about, this topic of reconnecting well, but in the meantime there’s a series of five posts on the blog by an aid worker that are sort of related to this. Here’s the first: http://www.modernlovelongdistance.com/celebrating-two-years-of-marriage-a-world-apart/

  17. I’m flying 3500 miles in less than two weeks to reunite with my boyfriend whom I haven’t seen for three months. Although we’d known each other since September, we only got together in April of this year. The next month, he left to spend the summer with his family overseas. In addition to seeing him again, I’ll be meeting his family for the first time and spending two weeks in their home. I’m excited, I’m nervous, and I’d love some positive thoughts!! We are young, but I really do love him, and I hope that our reunion and transition back into “normal” life goes smoothly.

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  18. After 14 years together, including 6 apart, we are finally taking a trip to reunite and see if we want to be together form here on. We have agreed to take it slow at first, both admit being nervous and excited and a little fearful yet hopeful. There is a total mishmash of feelings swirling in our heads.

    Over the past couple years our communication has blossomed (I left because he said he didn’t want a relationship together.) He is all about talking about our mutual feelings, wanting to share daily activities, waking up together each morning, and lamenting that he is not life-partnered. While needing not to presume we will immediately leap forward into eternal bliss of an epic romance, we want to remain positive and hopeful. We have things together that we have never had with anyone else. His depression concerns me, as does the fact that he wants our reunion to be at an unfamiliar location to prevent distractions of the past, of work, etc. We have both changed, have not been dating others, and have been making longterm plans. We are in the late summer and autumns of our lives and neither of us can bear waiting any longer.

    Anyone who reads this, please send positive energy our way. By July 5th or 6th we should know what the future holds.

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  19. Tomorrow I am flying to Alaska to reunite with the most incredible girl I’ve ever met. She’s more than the girl of my dreams, because I couldn’t of pictured anything better than what we have. I love her because she is brave enough to go on my adventures, and she accepts going off the beaten path. She embraces my weirdness and I have fallen madly in love with her. Tomorrow I am seeing her for the first time in a few months. We have been long distance since December. Prior to going LDR we dated 4 months. While the distance can prove to be extremely challenging, I believe it has brought us closer. Long distance dating allows couples to increase emotional intimacy. It forces issues to be dealt with and not “thrown under the rug.”

  20. In two days, I will be meeting with my boyfriend for the third time in the seven months we’ve been dating. It’s been two and a half months since I saw him. Before he left, I started to feel numb, which developed into anxiety after he left. I am now on anxiety medication, which helps, but the nerves are starting to show through now that the date is so near. I keep thinking back to awkward moments together or other times when I felt numb with him or doubted my feelings. He’s wonderful and I think he’s the perfect human being for me to be with, and I love him way more than I’ve ever loved any other man, but I still have persistent doubts – not so much about our relationship, just about whether I can return his feelings. Sometimes I don’t feel sexually attracted to him because it just feels like there’s so much pressure to be all over each other in such a limited time plus it takes me a while to feel comfortable again. Any advice for handling my nerves and doubts when he gets here? I really want to enjoy our time together as much as possible but it’s going to be a challenge since I’m in school full-time. Thanks!

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      Gosh, it’s a hard situation, isn’t it? To be dating and trying to build a relationship long distance? So before we get to any advice, doubting whether you can return his feelings at the level you might wants IS doubting the relationship… AND THAT’S OK. It’s OK to “doubt a relationship at this stage of the game. Dating relationships are all about trying to figure out if you want to be with this person for five, ten, twenty etc years. Clarity around that doesn’t come quickly for most people, especially across distance, and so some degree of confusion and wondering whether the relationship is a good fit for both of you and whether you should be together is OK. It’s normal.

      So, that said, on the advice front I would suggest you explain to him how you feel, and ask him to agree to take things slow when you first reunite, especially at first. Removing that pressure to be all over each other, as you put it, will help you focus on other things, like being more relaxed in his presence. If he’s not willing to give you that time and space (whether that’s a couple of days, or a couple of weeks) then you should question whether he really wants what’s best for you in this relationship. All the best, Lisa

  21. My boyfriend and I met over a year ago while playing video games online. We became really close friends, and eventually started dating. The thing is… I live in the Midwest and he lives on the East Coast! We have been dating for seven months now, but next week will be the first time I will be meeting him in person. Due to money issues, we couldn’t visit eachother any earlier. I am so nervous! We talk every night over skype, so it’s rather silly for me to be this nervous! Ah, but I am still really incredibly excited for this trip, regardless of the butterflies!

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  22. My girlfriend broke up with me day before yesterday, She said you have to accept it , Its over now. We were in a Long distance relation for than a year .
    When i tried to figure out the reason she says-
    1. She does not like long distance relationship.
    2. She said she is not happy in this relation.
    3. She said i don’t like talking on phone every time.
    4. I don’t love you.
    5. I can’t handle it.

    I know there is no one else in her life and she is not cheating and all. I love her badly and i want to get her back. Please advice me.

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      Hi Akash, It looks to me like your girlfriend is pretty clear on how she feels. If you have a plan to close the distance soon you may have a chance to talk to her about giving things another go once you’re living in the same city (Three of her five points are related to distance, not to you and the relationship per se). If you aren’t able to think about closing the distance soon I’d say you should do as she says, “accept it, it’s over”. I’m sorry if is hard to hear, but sometimes a clean and quick break is best in the long run. All the best, Lisa

  23. I am in a long distance relationship for 8 months now. We meet once a month or even longer than that. Everytime I go to see her or she comes to see me, I feel numb. Its the butterflies who starts flying around in my stomach. I am not sure how I feel. Is it nervousness or excitement. I have been trying a lot to calm myself down but I just can’t. Also I noticed its only before I see her. The moment we are together and alone, I feel just fine. Everything seems normal, but next time again the same happens. Haha, its really weird. I laugh at my own situation.:P

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      Gosh, yes. Lots of strange feelings (or absence of feelings) can come up right before a reunion. Interesting that you used that word, numb… I think many people feel that to some extent, too. All the best!!

  24. Thank you for helping me to get my lovely partner back in my life. I am so blessed that you used a non forceful way of uniting and reuniting us. Our past, presence and future seems to have all merged into one. I did not want to really go and be with someone else.. You have removed the extra baggage that has been affecting us and holding us back. Peace to you.

  25. Pingback: Welcome newbies, and some big news … | Modern Love Long Distance

  26. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years now. We had to be separated from each others on several occasion due to our studies, holidays woth our respective family,… the longest was 4 months.
    Personally, I am super excited and happy to see her again. However, it is always diminished by the fact that she needs few days before getting back to the closeness we had before my departure. None of us have any idea why…

    1. So after a long 7 months of my (Fiancé) being in the truck drivers buisness he finally gets to come home and I’m sooooooo excited about seeming him tonight! Butterflies are flying in my stomach I’m so HAPPY!! Because honestly I never thought this day would come. usually people aren’t to happy with long distance relationships because they never really work but the day you actually know your going to see him everything falls in place and feels very rewarding and refreshing to feel his hug or do the cute stuff you always wanted to do together. The only thing that makes me nervous is what if plans change and it turns out he can’t make it.

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    2. I really believe these types of relationships have two sides, the virtual one and the physical one. Although it’s technically the same person, the dynamics of the relationship change when they’re away. So it’s like a mindset you have to keep changing everytime you get together. That’s just her way of coping to not having you near.

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