When you’ve reached a point where you think there’s nothing to talk about with your long distance partner. It’s hard not to question:
- They don’t want to talk to me anymore.
- The honeymoon period is over 🙁
- Are they going to break up with me?
All long distance couples will go through this stage to varying degrees. What’s important is how they navigate it.
When apart, conversations are all you’ve got. If you find yourself feeling like this too often, for too long, you NEED to make a change.
Here are some strategies you can implement to get the conversational ball rolling!
Six Things to Talk About When You Have Nothing to Talk About
1. Write down what you want to tell or ask your partner
If you write down things you want to say, you won’t have to struggle to remember them later.
This practice also disciplines you to notice little things to discuss with your partner. It can help you live your day more mindfully–make you more aware of your actions and choices, and more grateful for your blessings.
2. Tell them what you’re grateful for
Did you know that on a day-to-day basis, most of us are better at focusing on and remembering negative experiences than positive ones? This is called the negativity bias, and it’s why we often start with the difficult or frustrating things when answering the question “how was your day?”
The good news, however, is that we can literally train our brains to think more positively. If we teach ourselves to scan our environment for good things to focus on and talk about this will improve our mood in the short term, make us happier over time, and infuse our relationship with more positive energy.
So practice identifying things that you’re grateful for. Then share these things with your partner.
3. Tell them about your day in a creative way
OK, it may not be everyone’s dream virtual date night activity to listen to their partner list exactly what times they got up out of bed in the middle of the night. However, try telling your loved one stories about the small moments in your life.
Paint them a picture with your words. This can help your partner feel more connected to your present reality, and it can help you feel like they understand a little more about what’s really going on for you.
4. Ask questions
When you’re fresh out of things to say (and preferably long before that) ask your partner questions.
During those weeks following Dominic’s birth, pretty much all I was doing was looking at him. During that time, however, Mike was working as part of an emergency response crew following bad flooding in Southern Laos, so there was plenty for him to talk about and for me to ask questions about.
So when you feel like you haven’t got much to talk about yourself, ask questions.
Stuck for questions to ask and looking for inspiration? Check out our post with deep and meaningful questions for long distance couples to ask each other.
5. Dig deeper
If you feel like you’ve sort of stalled in your relationship or you’re looking for new things to do together, find some resources to help you dig deeper and learn new things about each other.
Our 7-Day LDR Challenge will help you explore your strengths, personality, love languages, sense of humor, and more.
6. Take a little break
Sometimes when you feel like you have nothing to say, you’re just a little burned out on talking. When you’re in a long distance relationship you can start to feel that you need to call/email every spare minute you have (or for long periods each day.) Over time, that can backfire.
(Check out: Are You Talking Too Much In Your Long Distance Relationship?)
If that’s the situation you’re in. Or you’re just feeling tired and overwhelmed. Take a break to refresh and take some personal time for a couple of days.
Still Feel Like You’re Running Out Of Things To Talk About?
All long distance couples have days (even weeks) when talking doesn’t come naturally. It takes effort!
Maybe you feel like:
- There’s nothing new and interesting going on for you.
- What’s going on in your life is boring compared to your partner.
- Being apart for what seems like forever means you can’t find fresh things to talk about.
Just know, that these feelings are normal.
What matters now is how you plan to combat them. If you want further advice, join our free LDR support group where you can get help from other long distance couples that have gone through similar experiences.
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